Bodies, like marshmallows, movie theaters, and knock-knock jokes, increase in appeal when slightly darkened. Achieve a commendable color with this Groupon to Tan-talyzing Tan. Choose from the following options:
- For $14, you get one full-body spray tan (a $35 value).
- For $20, you get one double-dip spray tan (a $45 value).
- For $27, you get two full-body spray tans (a $70 value).
- For $38, you get two double-dip spray tans (a $90 value).
Eluding the harmful UV rays of traditional sun-drawn bronzing techniques and tanning beds, Tan-talyzing Tan's safe airbrush service imbues dull skin with complexion-resurrecting color. Prior to each spritzing session, certified airbrushing experts muddle a custom-blended formula, taking into account clients' skin tones and the frequency with which they plan to pose as a copper statue. The organic tanning solution uses the same recipe applied to bronze bods on Dancing with the Stars and The Real Housewives of Orange County. Each spray tan takes 15–20 minutes and evenly distributes skin with golden microdroplets of color—imbuing epidermises with a golden sheen that can last up to 10 days. For a prolonged glow, double-dip sessions coat bods in two layers of tanning spray that leave complexions as sun-kissed as a baby during solar re-election season.
Though Tan-talyzing Tan sometimes offers specials, this Groupon still represents the best deal available.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Ferrari Ownership
Once you ascend to the exciting and dignified world of Ferrari ownership, you’ll notice that food tastes better, the air smells sweeter, and dunks are 73% raunchier. Here are some tips that will prolong the life of your Sweet Kitten (an official slang term for Ferraris):
Give the Brake a Break: This Hot Baby (official Ferrari slang [OFS]) was made to fly, not obey traffic rules. Remember, most police officers/angry parents really only want their picture taken next to your Ferrari.
Clean the Sheen on Your Mean Machine: Don’t take this Thunder Nugget (OFS) to any two-bit car-washing place. A ride this primo should be wiped down with the fontanel of a newborn horse, or, at least, an underwear model’s birth certificate.
Full Moon = Full Vroom: If the moon is in its full phase, then pull your Phantom Tickler (OFS) out of the drive-in humidor and let her howl at the moon by revving that imported engine. Let the neighbors know who’s boss while simultaneously expelling the (now on fire) owls who like to nest in the Ferrari's gorgeous chassis.
Endorse the Horse: Ferrari makes clothes and sunglasses with its signature horse logo that you can wear to let people know that you drive one of their Velvet Grandpas (OFS).
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