The thrill of cruising down the open road is surpassed only by the thrill of watching a chicken cross the open road, but not asking why. Saddle up for four-wheeled thrills with today's Groupon: for $89, you get a 60-minute driving experience at The Motorsport Lab in Scottsdale (a $499 value).
The Motorsport Lab lends speed demons autos from an exotic fleet for adrenaline-pumping spins on a set course. To kick off the supercar experience, a 15-minute safety and procedural lesson offers a tutorial on the use of a paddle shifter and the proper way to nonchalantly exude opulence by lighting cigars with smaller cigars. Instructor-accompanied drivers then begin a 45-minute or 15-mile road voyage, rolling through Scottsdale and Cactus Road before ramping things up on the 101 and catapulting around Scottsdale Airport. Auto pilots milk the final stretch up Scottsdale Road for all its worth before the dream-car jaunt comes to an end more satisfying than waking up in a neighbor’s minivan.
Drivers enjoy horseless-carriage romps ensconced in one of The Motorsport Lab's supercars crafted by Aston Martin and Ferrari. The Aston Martin DB9's V-12 engine churns out 443 pounds of torque, and the Ferrari 360 Modena's 395-horsepower engine gets its sleek mass moving at 60 miles per hour in just 4.5 seconds. Both European dream-mobiles feature F1 paddle shifters and a top speed of about 190 miles per hour, the velocity at which Louis Armstrong could launch a spitball.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Substitute Teaching
Substitute teachers come to school when they learn a new fact that they just have to share with someone or when regular teachers run out of mental health. Here are some tips for taking over a class for a day:
Look the Part: Dress like a full-time teacher. If you don’t know how a teacher dresses because you never attended school, just wear a long-sleeve tank top, pants you can think in, and running shoes for chasing down students' dreams and turning them into more realistic dreams.
Write Your Name: Students today have exciting names such as Stycxx and K'ydyn, making it impossible for them to remember your boring, vowel-bloated moniker. Write your real name on the chalkboard, or simply go by "Sub Sandwich."
Give Them Options: Let your students choose between watching a movie and not watching a movie. Anyone who chooses not to watch a movie must stay late after school and watch two movies.
Take Control: Don't let the class get out of control. Before speaking, students should raise their hands, and before thinking, they should be reminded that their opinions are smaller than those of their teacher.
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