Football, or "pigskin," originally a pork byproduct, has become America's most popular pork-related pastime after recently topping baseball—a byproduct of sausage races. Commemorate sport’s other meat with today’s Groupon: for $20, you get a seven-issue gold membership subscription to Touchdown Buckeyes Magazine (a $49.95 value).
Starting this fall, Touchdown Buckeyes Magazine will preview every home game with a periodical packed with content to keep the Ohio State faithful well-informed. As a gold member, you'll receive seven annual doses of authoritative coverage and postgame analysis in an attractive print package, which, unlike the 90-volume Encyclopedia Footballica, can be conveniently folded and tucked inside a back pocket. Touchdown Buckeyes subscribers also get exclusive access to player and coach interviews, recruiting updates, and video features on the web, as well as a special bonus issue for the annual Ohio State versus Michigan game. The magazine's sponsors frequently reward those whose fandom extends deep into their color-coordinated red-and-white blood cells with special discounts.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Knighting Yourself
Nowadays, you don't have to slay a dragon or release a hit music album to get knighted. In fact, the Magna Carta specifically grants all land-owning citizens the power to knight whomever they see fit, and since this document is still the basis for all of today's laws, here's what you'll need to knight yourself:
A Worthwhile Quest: Every knight worth his chain mail earns his title and the official, knights-only Maytag dishwasher by bravely completing a legendary quest. Suitable quests include rescuing a princess, raising the national IQ through tireless one-on-one tutoring, or warning children about the dangers of defenestration through a series of comical radio advertisements.
A Gallant Broadsword: Once you've completed your quest, you'll want a high-quality sharp weapon with which to knight yourself. Try looking in abandoned rock quarries or school lost-and-found closets. If you can't find a heroic-looking blade, visit your local Nerf mine to gain access to enough of the soft foam-like mineral to make a sword.
Goodness in Your Heart: True knights must be pure at heart, so it's important to purge yourself of any unkind feelings or fears that have lodged themselves in your ventricles. Lock yourself in a closet and perform scream therapy for at least two months (no breaks) to excise your demons. Then, deliver a shot of goodness directly into your aorta by eating some children’s letters to Santa.
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