Until cows realize that seaweed is just wet grass and there's plenty of it to eat on the ocean floor, the only food source humans will find in the water is fish. If you're hungry, near a lake, and happen to be without a fishing rod, use some of these tried-and-true techniques to catch a fish:

Spear: This method, which involves jamming the spear end into the seafloor, holding the opposite end near your open mouth, and waiting for the fish to slither up and into your body, should never be used because if you've got a spear and a strand of long, thick hair, you've basically got a fishing pole.

Net: There are many advantages to fishing with a giant net, but none are more important than being able cut it up into long rope sections so you're left with a bunch of long, wobbly fishing rods.

Dynamite: Fishing with dynamite is prohibited unless you're simply using the dynamite to try to shake loose the millions of fishing rods that are probably buried in the sand beneath the water.

Hands: Employing the bare-handed method to catch a fish is easy, but it's even easier to go to a nearby sporting goods store and purchase a real fishing rod, like the Lakemaster™ SnatchStick™—because with a Lakemaster™, you'll always make the fish come out of the water faster.