Cellulite is a dimpling of the skin that universally affects women, men, and children who sleep in beds made out of golf balls. Even out epidermises with today's Groupon: for $26, you get a pair of weight-loss hot pants from Zaggora (a $71.86 value). Shipping is $7.50 within the contiguous United States.
Zaggora's hip-hugging HotPants slim bodies by up to two jeans sizes in two weeks using a comfortable bioceramic material that emits infrared rays to help wearers naturally and efficiently amp up weight-loss regimens. The shorts' Celu-Lite technology smoothes thighs and other dimple-prone areas by galvanizing the skin's internal zamboni to promote a deep warming of body tissues and promote lymphatic drainage. This process boosts sweating by up to 80% and aids in eliminating the toxins responsible for cellulite. Ladies can sport HotPants alone or under other clothing while awake and active, asleep in bed, or executing a series of high kicks when sleepwalking.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Kitchen Basics
Whether you're a master chef or you thought that kitchens were just an old wives' tale and are only learning that they're real right now by reading this, you need a few basic cooking utensils to help you turn worthless, disparate ingredients into useable food. Every kitchen must have:
- One saucepan. This is a pan that you can melt down into a sauce.
- Ten mixing bowls. This allows you to mix 10 different ingredients separately so that they don't have to touch and get all over each other.
- Between six and seven stoves. If a "recipe" (that's just a snobby word for "food instructions") calls for a dish to be cooked at 300 degrees for 30 minutes, it's actually much faster to cook it for 10 minutes at a time in three different ovens set to 100 degrees.
- One refrigerator full of sharp knives.
- One whisk so that guests will see it and think you must really be good at cooking.
- One cutting board, which is a wooden block filed down to a serrated edge. You use it to chop vegetables, but you'll also want to have some sort of mat or hard, flat surface to cut them on.
- A family of chickens. They make food—eggs!—and turn into food! They're awesome.
- Nine 1-gallon jugs of olive oil. This delicious flavoring is used in practically every food instruction to make the food taste like olives.
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