Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon for massage services from Massage by Daniel. Choose between the following options:
- For $27, you get one 60-minute massage (a $60 value).
- For $70, you get three 60-minute massages (a $180 value).
Seasoned practitioner Daniel Strelka customizes each Swedish, deep-tissue, and cranial-sacral massage, aiming to alleviate clients’ individual aches and stresses. In addition to his knowledge of massage therapy, Strelka possesses experience in martial arts, energy work, and meditation, helping him fine-tune his focus on each client. During Swedish massages, a hydrating oil or lotion helps long, flowing hand movements glide along the body more smoothly than a hockey puck sliding through outer space. More intense, deep-tissue techniques increase pressure on sore musculature, and cranial-sacral sessions target spinal discomfort.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Indoor Voice vs. Outdoor Voice
According to popular posters and government statistics, everything one needs to know, one learned in kindergarten—especially when it comes to gauging personal volume. Consult this handy guide to determine whether an occasion calls for an indoor or outdoor voice:
Hockey Game: Although held indoors to prevent innocent deer from getting their tongues stuck while licking the ice, hockey games are rowdy occasions that will require your outdoor voice, if you want people to hear your feelings on hockey-related literature and hockey-related local politics.
A Shakespeare Play: Shakespeare's inscrutable 200-year-old dialogue doesn't utilize the popular slang words of today, such as jazz and Murphy, and is therefore extremely difficult to follow. Use your indoor voice to ask your glasses-wearing friends what is going on—unless it's Shakespeare in the park, in which case, just ask a helpful park ranger.
Outdoor Wedding: A confusing situation. Generally, even outdoor weddings call for hushed reverence, as whooping and hollering may cause the elaborate cake to collapse and ruin the marriage for everyone. To be safe, remain silent until the officiator of the ceremony instructs you to "speak now, or forever hold your peace," at which time you may scream out whatever happens to be in your head.
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