Appalachian Dracula was famously quoted as saying, "I never drink … moonshine." Teach the original Dracula a thing or two with today's Groupon: for $25, you get $75 worth of fine wine mailed directly to your door from Wine Insiders. Shipping is just one penny if you order a full case. Additionally, you may apply part of the value of this Groupon to pay for shipping and sales tax. This Groupon is not valid for club memberships and cannot be shipped to certain states; view the list of valid states here.
Wine Insiders sprang fully formed from the head of founder John Davis 25 years ago, when he used his octopus-like industry connections to assemble a panel of wine experts for the sole purpose of seeking out the best and most affordable wines for his customers. On average, this league of extraordinary oenophiles approves only one out of every 100 bottles sampled, ensuring that only the most delicious wines stain their customers' lips a rich purple. They're fairly confident in their taste, too: if you're not 100 percent delighted by the vinos they've selected, they'll refund the full cost of the order, no questions asked—not even "So, you doing anything fun this weekend?"
Despite its legendary pickiness, Wine Insiders offers a variety of red and white wines, helpfully broken down into pinot noirs, pinot grigios, rieslings, cabernet sauvignons, and more, with informative descriptions of each. A Monarch Glen merlot—an aroma-rich varietal with notes of cherry and plum ($9.99)—is a good place to start, as is a 2009 Bayshore pinot grigio, with crisp melon and citrus flavors ($12.99). For a more targeted crash course in Bacchic beverages, try a wine assortment such as California Reds, Best of Everything, Big Bold Reds, and the anybody's-guess Mystery. All wine assortments come by the dozen and start at $119.88; each is carefully selected and can include wines that retail for more than $20 a bottle. Shipping is just a penny with these boxed collections.
Ordering wine online straight from Wine Insiders' experts spares customers the hassle of scavenging through a confusing network of specialty shops and cavernous mega-marts or of building an enormous steel drilling rig in a misguided effort to draw wine from the bowels of the earth. Pay a visit to the Wine Insiders website and rustle up a panoply of grape-based potions with today's Groupon.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Getting Laughs
Making people laugh is the key to success in business, romance, and the pharmaceutical industry, as laughter is widely considered the best medicine, narrowly edging out penicillin and wishing. After reading this handy guide, you'll be cracking up coworkers and guffawing with your girlfriends in no time:
Face the Funny: Contorting your countenance into a funny face is the most important skill for any comedian. If you don't have a naturally hilarious feature such as a third ear or little fingers where your teeth should be, you can use a system of scotch tape and pulleys to whip your visage into a laugh riot.
Be Heard, Not Herd: Many people will think opinions but won't dare say them. As a comedian, it's your job to scream your opinions as loudly as you can, whenever you can. Job interviews, first communions, and ornithology retreats are perfect places for you to shout the differences between men and women into a bullhorn.
Fall Over a Lot: That’s what Charlie Chaplin did, and he went on to become a millionaire, a knight of the British Empire, and Secretary of Jestering under the Taft administration.
Believe in Yourself: This is just good advice no matter the subject.
Remember That You Are Terrible: All great comedy comes from a place of loathing and self-doubt. Start your next comedy set by repeating that phrase exactly, then immediately adding "[Name of your home state]!"
Comment on our feelings board
