Groupon Says
Turn Your Head and Coffee?
Science has long touted the many medical benefits of starting your day with a piping hot cup of joe, such as increased attentiveness, caffeine-withdrawal relief, and laser vision. But did you know that the benefits of coffee increase proportionately with the volume you consume? Chart
1 Cup: Increased alertness, elevated mood and confidence.
5 Cups: Bold, reckless overconfidence. More attractive to the opposite sex, and any nearby Starship captains who might be looking to appoint a successor.
10 Cups: "Time Vision" kicks in. Bullets crawl toward you, rippling through the air like a pebble cast upon a still pond, giving you ample time to wonder why someone has chosen to shoot guns at you.
50 Cups: Over-caffeinated molecules vibrate you into another dimension where everything is identical, except your boss is a panda in tiny glasses who still expects to be taken seriously.
100 Cups: The universe unfolds before you like time-lapse photography of a flower in bloom. We are all one in the karmic cycle, born in aether only to succumb to the illusion of separation as we fall, as droplets, finding our way back to the ocean of collective consciousness that is the undercurrent of all being. The barista finally starts recognizing you and offers you a free biscotti that broke in half when it fell on the floor, but they're individually wrapped so it's "basically fine."
