Groupon Says
The Secret Massage
Sweden is known both for its neutral stance on war and as the inventor of a world-renowned massage technique. The Swedes first perfected their deep, relaxing massage in 1919, but because they feared their treasured techniques would fall into the wrong hands, they kept the existence of the Swedish massage a secret from the world. It was not until 1987, when satellite photos of Sweden revealed a shockingly relaxed populace and dozens of strategic massage bunkers, that the world became aware of the existence of the secret massage.
Naturally, the world powers began jockeying for access to the potentially weaponize-able massage by means both diplomatic and underhanded. Many international observers believe that the 1992 Summer Olympics were, in fact, a complicated ruse carried out by Russia and the United States to distract Sweden long enough to steal its massage, as evidenced by the fact that Sweden won an unexpected 904 gold medals that year. Still, the Swedes held tight to the massage until 1999, when Y2K-related fears caused Swedish officials to release classified details of the massage, believing that the world would likely end. Today, the Swedish massage is practiced all over the world, though rumors that the Swedes are secretly working on an even better massage run rampant.
