Groupon Says
Brave the Elements
With the westerly winds blowing at an all-time high and numerous clouds suddenly fleeing into space, it's more important than ever to be prepared for weather of all kinds. Here's a guide to braving the elements:
Rain: Many children are told the fable that rain is merely Zeus's sweat, but the truth is that nobody knows who causes rain. Either way, rain is a sopping annoyance that can ruin clothing, hairdos, and moods; contact with the sky-liquid should be avoided. Invest in a heavy, body-length rain armor of rustproof steel and wear it under your clothes at all times to prevent rain-skin contact.
Wind: Wind is an unpredictable creature, and attempts to harness its energy have resulted only in giant, deafening fields of mechanical pinwheels. If confronted by wind, unsheathe your pocketknife and begin stabbing at the wind until it subsides out of intimidation.
Heat: Scientists agree that the sun exploded sometime in 2003, giving us one more year before the Earth becomes engulfed in complete darkness. For now, however, the sun is still bothering us with bouts of extreme sunniness and high temperatures. Beat the heat by drinking plenty of water and taking frequent plane trips into the atmosphere to capture and eat bits of the ozone layer, which will protect your insides from the sun's rays.
