Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Modern New Year's Resolutions

Society is changing faster than many of us can keep up, so it’s more important than ever that you dedicate the following year to one or more of these modern New Year’s resolutions:

• I will gradually shift out all the air bubbles out from beneath the adhesive screen protector of my smartphone or tablet device.

• I will limit my daily Internet time to 27 hours a day.

• I will only buy my developing infants garish toys patterned in black, red, and white so the muscles behind their tiny eyes grow stronger with each glance.

• I will pop only when I trust myself to be able to stop.

• I will lose weight by joining nature’s gym: parkour.

• I will finish at least three Kindles.