Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: the Difference Between Friends and Enemies

Today it's nearly impossible to tell friends and enemies apart because of the fact that their face shapes and nickname preferences are almost exactly the same. Here's a guide to telling a friend from a foe:

Brings Food to Your House: Friend. Though offering another human the remains of a plant or an animal may seem like an act of aggression, those are actually things that humans need for nourishment. Sharing a meal is simply a bonding ritual practiced by groups of friends or by two people who are deciding whether or not to start mating.

Gives You a Ride: Enemy. This is probably just a ploy to get you to a location where they can take your money or force you to listen to their new band. Do not fall for it.

Compliments You: Enemy. Compliments are just insults covered in admiration. Be skeptical of any compliment that isn’t phrased as “I love what you’ve done with your nose holes” or “I can hardly smell you anymore.”

Lives in Your Mirror: Enemy. It's that twin of yours, fooling you once again. Punch the mirror until he surrenders.