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Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Spotting a Robot

It’s no secret that robots walk among us—wearing human skin, pretending to enjoy human fruit, and sleeping while standing perfectly upright on subway trains. What are some other ways you can spot a hidden robot?

• Try “accidentally” getting them wet. For instance, casually hold a large container of travel water in the same hand on which you wear your wristwatch—thus spilling water on an adjacent stranger when you check the hour. If he or she becomes upset that water has been spilled on them, well done—you’ve sniffed out a cyberman.

• Test their logic circuits with a paradox, such as “This statement is a lie,” or “Forrest Gump beat Pulp Fiction AND The Shawshank Redemption for Best Picture.” If they argue that Forrest Gump really was the best film of 1994, nice work, my friend—you’ve ousted an android.

• Simply read the following statement out loud: “I am secretly a robot. I keep this secret even from myself.” If this statement causes you absolutely no alarm, it has most likely been cushioned by the multiple, impenetrable layers of firewall shielding your identity matrix from the cold, metallic truth. Congratulations, and I’m sorry—you’ve found a robot.