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Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Finding a Thing of Money

Although everyone gets out of bed each day hoping that today will be the day they finally happen upon a life-altering thing of unclaimed money, finding a thing of money actually comes with intractable legal and ethical ramifications. What steps must you take before you have legal and moral right to a found thing of money?

• Alert the police that you have found a thing of money. Give them your phone number in the event that someone reports that exact size of a thing of money missing. Do not give them your name.

• Hang fliers around the area where you found the thing of money. Fliers about a free thing of money will likely attract ne'er-do-wells, so instead, have the fliers read: “Found: an item. Could be good, could be bad. Can you prove you lost something by guessing what I have found? We shall see.”

• At the end of 30 days, if you feel fairly confident you have done everything humanly possible to find the thing of money’s original owner, go to your nearest charity. Dump half of the money into the charity’s mail slot. The remainder of the money is yours to keep, you good-hearted citizen.