Contrary to horrifying alternate dimensions, in this universe the clothes “make the man” only in a metaphorical sense. Look your metaphorical and sartorial best with today’s Groupon, which gets you $25 worth of dry-cleaning services for $10 at Fabric Care Center. All services come with free pick-up and delivery to your home or office, available for most Indianapolis-area addresses. Dry cleaning is delivered in approximately three days.

Indianapolis-area stains are known to congregate in dark alleys, whispering fearful tales of the unbeatable Stain Busters at Fabric Care Center. The professional staff at this family-owned business brings decades of experience spotting, treating, bluntly but fairly criticizing, and removing the nastiest of stains. Dry cleaning at Fabric Care Center means a premium-cleaning regimen using the best agents and procedures. Once cleaned, your garments are crisply pressed and finished according to your requests. Cleaning for a two-piece men’s or women’s suit runs $12.45, while business shirts are $2.30 apiece. Dresses cost $12.45 and up, and sweaters cost $6.35 and up.

Fabric Care Center has been helping the people of Indianapolis look their sharpest, cleanest, and most hireable since 1960, when it first opened as a self-service laundromat. Cleaners at Fabric Care Center offer friendly service and conscientious care for your favorite garments, earning an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau.

Vigilante Up

Once this Groupon cleans up the fabric of your clothes, it's up to you to clean up the fabric of society. Here are some particularly heroic ways to take the law into your own hands:

• Go undercover by walking around the dangerous part of town with a banana, telling everyone how you are tired from all that crime you did yesterday.
• Burn your neighbors' mail to prevent their probable mail fraud.
• Our streets are full of people imitating the police. Brusquely ask every police officer you see to immediately present his or her badge.
• Stop all the murdering.