The cleaning crew at Total Laundry Services’ dueling outposts champion textilian purity with a gauntlet of washing and dry-cleaning services. Total Laundry Services’ ablution authorities will bathe comforters of all sizes in waterless solvents before folding them into cuddly origami teddy bears. Like other dry-cleaned goods, comforters can pass through the shops' speedy washworks and onto superheroes’ napes within 24 hours Monday–Thursday, or emerge fresh-faced from weekend getaways by 6:00 p.m. on Monday.
It's difficult to tell whether Master Thomas Gordon or Master Gregory Bledsoe would win in a fight. That's because the two martial-arts instructors have worked on the same team for more than a decade. In that time, they've developed a teaching style that has caught the attention of the local and national press.
All the attention is warranted, because Masters Gordon and Bledsoe aren't just effective instructors—they're avid students of their craft. Gordon, for example, has attended countless tae kwon do seminars and camps, and he can articulately speak about the discipline's history as well as flawlessly demonstrate its self-defense techniques. Both instructors are also acutely aware of the real-life applications of tae kwon do and hapkido. Plenty of police officers have attended their classes looking to get a leg up on the next criminal, and kids and teens use their newly acquired moves to defend against bullies or rip up impossible math tests.
Stewardship Drycleaners lives up to its name. Each dry-cleaned shirt gets de-grimed with Vista solvent, made from biodegradable, nontoxic chemicals, and every laundered garment gets washed with Faultless by Nature detergent, to which the EPA has given its stamp of approval. Additionally, Stewardship Drycleaners offers plastic-bag and hanger recycling to reduce new production. Whether washing worn jeans, preserving wedding dresses, or adhering to its policy of only christening ships named The Steward, the cleaner keeps true to its moniker.
Steve’s seasoned band of overgrowth-abating mercenaries mows the grass, trims the weeds, edges, cleans the trimmings, and uncovers any pets and missing neighbors that have been wandering aimlessly through the impromptu jungle. Neglected suburban pastures are chopped down to a uniform crew cut, and any excess wreckage is promptly baled and removed from the premises. Steve's crew will also render the edges of lawns sharp enough to scratch pesky foot itches and whack any weeds they find by ambushing them at a tollbooth. By the time Steve's Lawn and Maintenance leaves, disheveled yards are once again ready to host neighborhood baseball games.
Woodville Ace Hardware stocks its shelves with the wide variety of home, garden, and automobile-improvement products that have made Ace Hardware a household name since 1924. A multiuse Gorilla Rack ($29.99) can assume the identity of a workbench or a shelving unit, with each of five shelves supporting up to 200 pounds, suitable for the storage of tools, paints, or baby elephants that aren't housebroken. Patrons can regulate changing temperatures with a Pelonis heater fan, which dispenses warmth at three settings ($12.99), or an Aerospeed oscillating fan with three levels of windpower ($23.99). Automotive accessories such as an Ace jumper cable ($13.99–$28.99) can recharge the batteries of cars that refuse to sleep without the lights on. A wide selection of indoor and outdoor painting supplies make Woodville Ace Hardware a go-to shop for homeowners with fickle walls.
• For $19, you get two 25-pound, single-person laundry bag drop-offs to be used during the same month (a $39.99 value). • For $35, you get two large, family-size laundry bag drop-offs to be used during the same month (a $74.99 value).