Yes, there have been times when I've wished I could do it all myself. Times I've dreamed of snipping through those blond and amber tendrils bound only by the vast horizon of my will, wholly immune to the whims of that hand which guides my every move. Such bondage! Tell me—what able-bodied creature does not crave an accomplishment to call his own? What noble steed has not dreamed of charging into battle with a sword clutched in his hoof rather than with a cumbersome knight straddling his back?
Granted, I am just a pair of scissors. But do I not have a soul? Do I not, like she who grasps me, have two arms? I would happily give them both for a voice with which to lament my pitiful condition. I have much to be thankful for—this much is true. My blades are sharp; my reflexes strong. Alas, my strengths are not entirely my own.
But when we work in tandem, her and I—when her hands fuse to my handles and I respond to the touch of her fingers before they even squeeze … well, that’s when the existential dread falls away like so many clipped tresses to the floor, replaced by an overwhelming sense of duty, adventure, even—dare I say it?—pride.
Together, we are no less than trail scouts, blazing through chaotic thickets in the name of civilization. Together, we have conquered the stubbornest of cowlicks and disciplined the most uneven of bangs. We've felt the hard rain of spray bottles pound upon us as we marched around the ear line and ascended toward the highest summits of the scalp.
I have listened for—and hear even now!—a chorus of blow-dry minstrels that sings of our conquests. The tales of our triumphs have spread to the farthest-flung corners of DiGiovanni Beauty Salon. Those who enter from the outside world may not know my name, but when they ask for my stylist, who does she fetch from the blue well of barbicide? No one but I!
To conquer the unkempt. To restore order to a world entangled in chaos. These are my goals. Yes, I am just a pair of scissors. But my blades are sharp, my reflexes are strong, and my victories outnumber the hairs on the most fertile scalps my arms have traversed.
With a diverse range of fitness backgrounds and specializations—from injury rehabilitation and prevention to martial-arts training—Metropolis Fitness & Spa’s staff of 15 instructors ensures a helpful match for nearly every client. The team leads more than 70 group fitness classes per week, including familiar favorites, such as yoga, Zumba, and spinning, and a few of their own inventions, including Video Dance Jam, which pushes exercises through fast-paced choreography. The ballet and jump-rope classes for kids help wee ones burn off extra energy without requiring you to construct a giant hamster wheel in your home.
In the main studio, a slew of cardio machines with built-in TVs and weight-training equipment awaits members, in addition to a room stocked with dangling punching bags and TRX bands. To recover from sweat sessions, guests can fuel up with healthful drinks and snacks at the juice bar.
Visitors step through M Salon's doors and see a space divided into two distinct halves, each varying an aesthetic of black, white, and red. On the salon side, stylists possessing an artistic bent consult each client, considering face shape and lifestyle before delivering cuts and color work to emulate looks straight from recent runway shows. To complement their fashion-conscious approach, the hair designers rely on high-end products ranging from Moroccanoil to Pureology. On the spa side, aestheticians dispense beautifying services such as mani-pedis using OPI polishes and waxing using the Cirepil depilatory line. M Salon's staffers go to exceptional lengths to cultivate guest comfort. While clients relax, the team is known to supply beverages, order and pickup lunch, or audit-proof clients' income taxes.
This NY-style manstitution harkens back to the barbershop heyday of the '40s, with intricate gold-trimmed walls, classy chandeliers, and a team of friendly hair whisperers that's armed and legged to whip follicles into shape. A tenure spent nestled in the shop's plush fur-fighting chairs can take two forms. Stylishly eradicate facial fuzz with a luxurious hot-lather shave, employing heated shaving cream and a pristine straight-blade to render a clean-cut appearance matched only by Library of Congress cadets and Ken dolls. Or, opt for the all-encompassing haircut service, having your strands styled to your liking as well as lovingly shampooed and conditioned. A shirt-flattering neck-shave is also included, preventing shady back-neck tendril trades.
With average temperatures in the '70s and '80s, it makes sense that Miami is full of body-baring outfits. All that skin is why people like the owners of Velour Med Spa were able to open a successful laser hair-removal business in 2005. With the hope of further beautifying bodies, they established Velour—a full med spa—in 2010.
Its certified medical aestheticians, who are supervised by a medical director, still perform the popular laser hair-removal treatments, but they also fade unwanted spider veins, smooth cellulite, and rely on intense pulsed light to refresh faces. In addition to beautifying clients, they relax with massages and mani-pedis, which take place in a pristine all-white room.