Fabulous Floors’ technicians see no sense in beautifying a hardwood floor by sanding away part of it. Instead, they restore wood floors to their original luster by gently buffing away millions of micro-scratches on the floor’s surface—a process that, like a terrible lumberjack, removes no wood. The techs preserve the floor’s new smoothness by coating it in durable polyurethane.
The carpet connoisseurs at GoodFellas Cleaning degrime, destain, and restore sheen to floors via expert cleaning services. Before steam cleansing, a rigorous vacuuming inhales rogue croissant crumbs and a pretreatment gets to work on pesky stains. GoodFellas' fiber aficionados annihilate dirt, dust mites, and unsightly blotches using a truck-mounted system that has 20 times the suction of handheld carpet-cleaning machines and 2,000 times the suction of a straw. After floors are squeaky clean, a protectant is applied in high-foot-traffic areas to repel oil- and water-based stains and buttered feet and then the carpet is deodorized. The entire process is safe and nontoxic, allowing babies, pets, and baby pet rocks to roll around on the rug postprocedure. This Groupon also gives customers 20 percent off additional services, including upholstery, tile, and grout cleaning.
Lake Wissota Golf and Southern Hills Golf courses feature traditional well-kempt greens and challenging obstacles. Measuring more than 6,000 yards each from start to finish, these ball-battered battlegrounds envelop players in grandiose frondescence as they steer dimpled warriors past water hazards and sand traps filled with frowns. Each hole greets gurus and greenhorns with three sets of tee boxes from which to swing, marked by specific colors according to difficulty. Rather than slow roasting clubs before rounds, players can warm up naturally with a small bucket of balls on the full-sized driving ranges, or swing equipment-toting hatchbacks up to one of the full-service pro shops to procure hole-conquering provisions. Both locations recommend scheduling tee times in advance.
Boot camp-certified trainer Thad Caron designs group sessions to fulfill figure-minders' individual goals using a variety of equipment and techniques. In ever-changing workouts, glute grinders of all levels burn up to 800 calories per session, the equivalent of four days of unicycling. Skill-sharpening equipment includes bosu balls for balance training, dumbbells and resistance bands to increase strength, and kettlebells to crush attacking cowbells.
Safeway Transit entertains riders with a fleet of seven custom buses, each coated in a unique color of paint and stocked with upgrades including club lights, powerful speaker systems, and keg holders. Their fleet features both smoke-friendly and smoke-free vehicles, some with LED poles presumably for firefighters that detect unusual billows. The bubblegum-colored Pink Bunny bus features these illuminated support beams in its aisles, as does the Black Pearl—a sleek city bus with black lights, black paint, privacy windows, and room for 40 passengers. In addition to the mobile nightclubs, Safeway Transit also situates passengers in its neon green Night Rider, which features a checkered floor plucked from a retro diner and wood paneling along the ceiling and the base of its seats.