La Jolla, CA Drs and Health Practioners

The wellness introductory package begins with a basic overview of the principles and practices behind Chinese medicine and is followed by a personal-health assessment and one therapeutic acupuncture treatment. Acupuncture targets specific points in the body to help redirect the flow of the body’s energy and provide relief from a wide variety of ailments such as chronic pain, morning sickness, insomnia, tennis elbow, and more. Call ahead to schedule an appointment and prepare to have tension and stress melt away faster than a wicked witch at a pool party.

At Dr. Bauer's Advanced Wellness, Drs. Jason Bauer and Travis Johnson focus on healing spines and promoting overall health without the use of surgery or drugs. During one-hour therapeutic massages, muscles surrender aches to firm hands, which send waves of relaxation over bodies and dissolve stores of tension as quickly as a dragon eats through its antacid supply. Patients then meet with one of the doctors, who consults with them to suss out deficiencies in areas of nutrition, exercise, and function. A thorough examination of the spine and nervous system includes orthopedic tests to evaluate posture and range of motion and digital nerve and thermal scans to illuminate caricatures of the brain circulated by mischievous vertebrae.

Football fans owe a thank-you to Dr. Farzad Yaghouti. The doctor's LASIK expertise made it possible for linebacker Shaun Phillips to achieve 20/15 vision, energizing the athlete’s NFL career for the foreseeable future. Dr. Yaghouti, Global Laser Vision's medical director, has performed more than 60,000 LASIK operations and lectured on the procedure at national conferences and on Fox 6 News’s San Diego Living.

Global Laser Vision’s doctors, all of whom are cornea- and refractive-surgery specialists, meet with patients for preliminary exams during which they discuss the pros and cons of treatments and perform numerous tests and measurements. Global Laser Vision also works to cure cataracts and keratoconus, and removes growths from eyes using surgical methods far more effective than simply blinking really fast.

The staff at Inner Balance Institute introduces clients to chiropractic therapy with an uncanny knack for healing injuries and chronic pains, which has not gone unnoticed by their former patients. Among the heartfelt testimonials on their website, one reads: "If you are anything like me, you question whether you have made an impact in the lives of others. I hope you realize that you have a big one in mine." A chiropractor evaluates each patient individually, pulling from a menu of holistic treatments that includes adjustments and massage therapy. The staff specializes in treating patients suffering from chronic conditions and druids sore from long days of shapeshifting.

Inside New You Medical Group, a serene medical center with an ocean view, physicians and their staff use a variety of weight-loss programs, laser skin treatments, age-rewinding medicine, and cosmetic surgery to help patients "turn back the hands of time." Complimentary evaluations lead doctors to focus on internal anti-aging treatments, such as hormone therapy and clinician-supervised weight loss, as well as external age-defying treatments, such as Botox and dermal fillers. New You is dedicated to combining preventive care with treatment to help patients stay healthy and active well into the future so that they have the stamina to fight off all the robots.

Seasoned, board-certified cosmetic surgeon Dr. Charles Sarosy helms the team of certified technicians at San Diego Body Contouring and its sister location, the Vein and Liposculpture Center in Temecula. Drawing from years of experience that earned him a membership to the American Society of Cosmetic Surgery, Dr. Sarosy wields state-of-the-art laser technology to help lift visages, oust excess fat, and erase unwanted tattoos and body hair. He can also forge svelte physiques with comprehensive mommy makeovers, designed to restore new mothers' post-pregnancy bodies to the state they were in before babies filled them with gaudy futons. Spider-vein therapy and skincare treatments such as microdermabrasion and Botox round out the center's slate of aesthetic services.