At (Kin*dle) Spa, licensed therapists send the upper body and feet on a relaxing retreat using certified organic products and aromatherapy massage. Once the client fills out a form outlining their specific needs and pain points, a therapist custom tailors a massage targeting the back, neck, shoulders, and horns with Swedish and deep-tissue techniques. Even when faced with the most fervent muscle fibers, the therapists promise they won't jeopardize the client's comfort and ensure an experience more soothing than playing cribbage with Mickey Rooney.
Over the last six years, licensed massage therapist Misty Witcher has performed more than 6,000 relaxing massages—placing her second on the all-time rankings behind whoever has to massage pro wrestlers. She harnesses her extensive experience each time she approaches a knotted muscle, performing Swedish, hot-stone, deep-tissue, and prenatal massages to help heal her clients and reduce their pain.
Despite that brief tooth-tanning fad in the early 2000s, your teeth prefer to sport a reflectively white hue. Under the expert administering of qualified tooth technicians, your tooth collection will experience an effective whitening using a combination of BleachBright solution and blue-light-emission LED light. All of the coffee, lemon cake, and mandarin-scented markers that have scuffed your smile's veneer over time will evaporate like so many dandelion spores dropped in a vat of sulfuric acid. Within 30 minutes (or one standard metric Warhol), you'll be ready to go home and light up the room with your smile during power outages.
After moisturizing backs with Banyan Botanicals essential oils, licensed massage therapist Antoinette Williams kneads physiques with tension-alleviating massages. Antoinette’s therapeutic hand strokes improve range of motion in struggling muscles and range of emotion in struggling actors, incorporating the strokes of Swedish and deep-tissue massage or specialized kneads customized for pregnant or geriatric patients. Antoinette can further enhance massage sessions with steamy hot towels or mini facials, in which essential oils seep into skin via a mask of Dead Sea mud and chamomile. With both anti-inflammatory and healing properties, the oils can soothe acne-prone skin, diminish the appearance of sun damage, or repair bruises from years of practicing Three Stooges–style pratfalls.