The halls of the Marjorie Lyons Playhouse are decked in bows of sarcasm as David Sedaris’s sardonic diatribe The Santaland Diaries fills mature audiences with Yuletide cheer and apropos humbug. Adapted from Sedaris’s popular irreverent essay, the play features actor Luke Thomas Eddy embodying the foul mouth and uncomfortable shoes of Crumpet the Elf during a scintillating one-hour, one-man performance. Tearing at a famous department store’s holiday façade like a grizzly bear rudely woken up from hibernation, Crumpet reveals the sordid lives of Santa’s little helpers as they endure the side effects of the holidays. Chock-full of one-liner chestnuts and hilarious humiliation, the show ensures audiences howl with empathy as the embittered elf rants against baffled tourists, entitled parents, and the anti-elves known as children. Like standing under sulfuric mistletoe, The Santaland Diaries gives the season both a heartfelt kiss and a swift kick in the chimney.
Artspace invites aspiring and accomplished art aficionados to explore its open, interactive oasis of studio exhibitions and educational programming. Inside the 30,000-square-foot facility, stroll past the public workspaces of 35 artists showcasing their efforts in all stages of creative germination. Guests can chat with artists about their work, wearing a bed-sheet toga in an attempt to earn a spot as a muse. Three ever-changing galleries feature a rotating cast of materials crafted from a variety of media by local, national, and international eye dazzlers. Although entrance is regularly free, membership offers a variety of perks and helps support the nonprofit institution's expression-affirming undertakings.
Hands-on exploration of science, mathematics, and space travel awaits within more than 290 exhibits at Sci-Port: Louisiana's Science center. The 92,000-square-foot nonprofit museum is divided into nine galleries, where visitors can play 3D versions of tic-tac-toe, try on a spacesuit, and even pretend-land a space shuttle inside a simulator. Roaming the galleries, meanwhile, Sci-Port's science-savvy demonstrators invite guests to help them with activities such as dissecting sharks or dissecting all the plot holes in Jaws.
The museum also hosts myriad events throughout the year, from science-of-mixology sessions for adults to famous-scientist "birthday parties" where kids can swap scientist-themed trading cards. Even more scientific enlightenment can be found in Sci-Port's IMAX Dome Theatre and Sawyer Space Dome Planetarium, which show films on subjects such as the human body and the sun, respectively.
In West Monroe's countryside, 20 acres of grapevines sway among gently rolling hills and tall, old trees. This is Landry Vineyards, tended by Jeff and Libby Landry and their four sons. They began growing hybrid blanc du bois grapes—specially bred to withstand the South's climate—at their first vineyard in Folsom back in 1999. However, in 2005, Hurricane Katrina leveled their crops, inspiring them to move to higher ground.
Today, the Landrys ferment a full roster of wines from blanc du bois and other hardy Southern grapes. The crisp fruit flavors of semisweet blanc du bois white pair well with spicy Cajun and French-inspired fare, whereas the Envie Rouge—made with red Cynthiana-Norton and black spanish grapes—acquires its spice from oak-barrel aging. The Landrys also import and ferment many grapes that they can't grow, including hand-picked bunches of cabernet from Washington state and California. Though locals have been enjoying the fruits of the Landry family's labors for several years, the vineyard's appearance in a 2012 episode of Duck Dynasty introduced the Louisiana-made wines to a national audience, drawing in droves of customers from all over the country.
Besides sipping wines, customers can visit the picturesque vineyard for tastings and cellar and winery tours. And during regular concerts, they can sip wine among the sounds of blues, jazz, and grapes quietly gossiping about which grape pickers have the softest hands.
During the narrated one-hour jaunt, the Spirit of the Red River Cruise careens aqueous explorers down the Red River and Cross Bayou toward a plethora of sights, ranging from historical bridges to local wildlife. The 35-passenger vessel comes equipped with a bevy of windows and an observation deck ideal for optimal water vistas. Glean fascinating tidbits from Captain Sandy Jackson, a long-time waterway navigator who highlights the area's history from its beginnings as a trading post to its current status as a riverboat casino haven for blackjack-engrossed egrets. The tour encourages participants to revel in up-close glimpses of the Old Railroad Swing Bridge, the Texas Street Bridge, and the Waddle "A" Frame Bridge as they engage in a heated game of bridge. The expedition often alights upon kingfishers, water snakes, turtles, alligators, great blue herons, and other local residents of the estuary that are usually spotted sunning themselves, stalking their prey, or opening up burgeoning lily-pad real-estate businesses.
Diamond Bowl, a refreshing fusion of bowling alley and robust restaurant, serves as a hangout for pin-battering rollers hungry for lane-thundering action and thirsty for food. Games ($5) on Diamond’s eight lanes keep hook-happy fingers limber, and shoes ($3) safeguard feet from toe-stomping sore losers. Follow up your fourth turkey with tangible foodstuffs from Diamond's full menu, such as the blackened-salmon sandwich on a kaiser roll ($7.99), the well-rounded bowling burger ($7.49), or the crispy chicken-tender salad ($8.99). Serious contenders can take a break from finger calisthenics to enroll in one of Diamond Bowl's leagues, and casual players can pair their match play with drinks from Diamond’s fully stocked bar, or they can watch a less phalange-intensive sport on one of nine crystalline HD TVs. Hourly games are also available.