With only three home-turf games remaining in the season, cheer on the Twin Cities' fearsome squad of sassy ladies as they run, pass, tackle, kick, shimmy, teleport, twirl, and crank call their way across the gridiron. But don't expect any shortened fields, wussy tear-away flags, or altered rules just because the players have little use for a cup—this is straight-up football, right down to the earth-shaking QB sacks, high-flying Hail Marys, and tackles that pack their own crater. This hard-hitting action, coupled with intricate strategic plays, provides more entertainment than a shaky washing-machine race through a corn maze. Additionally, on May 8, Burnsville High School will host a BirdieBall golf tournament prior to the Vixen game (not included with the Groupon), which will feature par 3 holes, field goal drives, various prizes, and an opportunity to pair football with the most brutally unforgiving of sports.
In the olden days, racetracks employed ladies on roller skates to deliver axle grease to steam-powered racecars so that they could maintain their blistering pace of 9 miles per hour. When a scuffle between two such ladies proved more entertaining than the race itself, roller derby was born. Today’s Groupon gets the Twin Cities its daily recommended dosage of kinetic estrogen. For $6, you get a general-admission ticket (a $12 value on the day of the game) to see the North Star Roller Girls battle it out in a flat-track roller-derby bout. During the Wild Wild Midwest double-header on Saturday, March 20, at 7:30 p.m., the Banger Sisters take on Delta Delta Di, while the Violent Femmes face off against the Kilmore Girls. This will be the final grudge match before the championship bout on April 10. Customers may purchase up to four Groupons. General admission tickets are good for chair and bleacher seating or standing, but not trackside seating.
After clinching their division in the 2011 season, the Minnesota Dragons return to the gridiron for another eight-game campaign in the semipro Northern Elite Football League. Among the season’s four home games, the energized roster squares off against fellow Minnesotans—and 2011 champs—the St. Paul Pioneers in a battle to determine who will lay claim to the Twin Cities and who will have to play the rest of their games at the bottom of Lake Superior. As players unsheathe their biggest plays to slay their opponents, the Dragons’ dance team spurs the players on inside the venerated Metrodome, home to the NFL’s Minnesota Vikings.
Keeping folks busy year-round is the main mission at Monticello Community Center, whether viewing movies in the park or splashing around the indoor pool and water slides. Allowing families to stay active, the fitness center welcomes visitors 16 and over to use free-weights, cardio equipment, and mirrors for flexing. Adult sports leagues organize teams for hockey and softball, while more low-key green thumbs can head to the community garden to dig in the dirt, plant, and tend to buds.
Uproarious cheers from the crowded stands compete with roaring engines zooming down Raceway Park's 1/4-mile banked asphalt track. Between April and September, weekly race events invite late-model, short-tracker, and mini stock cars to compete against one another in races that culminate in a final karaoke lap. Other festivities include Friday Night Destruction events, where motorcycles, trailers, and school buses put their axels to the test. Raceway Park also puts fans behind the wheels of real track cars during occasional racing-experience events.
Located roughly 30 minutes from downtown Minneapolis, Canterbury Park is a popular destination for horseracing, poker, and casino games. The venue will transform into a stadium to host the AMA Pro K&N Filters Grand National Championship, a flat-track motorcycle race as fierce as an unloved naked mole rat in stiletto-heel boots. The all-day event begins with a vendor trade show and exhibition. Practice runs and an autograph session fill the afternoon, but the true action comes at 6 p.m., when the races begin. Riders will mount their custom-built bikes to race in mile, half-mile, and short-track heats on the sandy one-mile oval track. In all there are five heats, four qualifiers, and two championship races, which total 99 laps of racing. The victors will claim the ultimate title in flat-track racing but will not be granted pardon from outstanding library fees. Check out the day's full schedule here.