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Though flowers yanked from your neighbors' garden may help you apologize to your sweetie, you'll need something to apologize to your neighbors for tearing up their garden. Today's deal has you covered: $50 worth of artfully arranged flowers from Rutland Beard Florist of Baltimore for $25. Just browse Rutland's website for ideas, give the staff a call (Groupon not good for online orders), and place your order for delivery throughout the serviceable Baltimore area and nearby zip codes. Or better yet, stop in the bloomy boutique to browse the loose-cut flowers and talk to the friendly and knowledgeable floral artists in person. They'll happily help you choose an arrangement to suit your needs, bowtie color, and budget.

Rutland Beard Florist will help you prepare for haute holiday hostessing. Dress up your presentation of roast beast with a holiday centerpiece of evergreen sprigs, pine cones, and carnations ($40–$60), or give your guests something to nibble on with an arrangement of roses, tulips, carnations, and waxflowers in a tall vase wrapped with ribbon and candy canes ($40–$60). Send a pretty poinsettia in a handsome basket to your festive farmer ($40–$60), or simply reflect the Crisp Winter Skies in a glass vase of roses, delphinium, and waxflowers ($40–$60).

Beyond the Yuletide, Rutland Beard Florist is well known for its exotic and creative designs, such as the Artistic Tribute, in which aster and rose reach out from a squat vase to create dramatic height and compelling composition ($45–$60). Instantly update your stale apartment with Hi-Style Decor ($40–$60) or send your singular sweetie a bundle of Rosey Romance ($40–$75). If you're unsure which triplet to propose to, test out the waters by sending each a simple and elegant red rose bud arrangement ($25–$35). And if you're a DIY sort, Rutland Beard carries a wide selection of different flower varieties at all times, so it's easy to come up with a stunning custom design as good as the one on the side of your van.

You may use your Groupon toward the flat delivery rate of $12.95 for local Baltimore deliveries.

Reviews

Googlers and Yahoo! Local users give Rutland Beard five stars, and Yellowpagers give it four stars:

  • Rutland Beard Florist has always done a great job, and they are a pleasure to work with. They are reliable and have very impressive designers. Always fresh flowers, too...‎ – Robert, Google
  • Rutland Beard Florist simply has the most beautiful flowers in this area! I have used them for special Birthday flowers, graduation flowers, and always send flowers from them with great results. – Suzanne, Yahoo! Local
  • The sales person I worked with had a very extensive knowledge of flowers and was very helpful in pointing me in the right direction. – ryan6765, Yellowpages

Death Blossoms

The beauty, fragrance, and social significance of flowers have long overshadowed their original intended usage: defense. Flowers, also known as nature’s nunchucks, have long protected the floral kingdom from interlopers made of meat, but now that man has tamed the flower, what breeds can we use to defeat our enemies?

The Belgium Razored Rose: These sharp little beauties are lush and cushy until they’ve been cut and dried for an afternoon. Then their pedals become deadly shuriken-like projectiles, guaranteed to look awesome when thrown in a nightclub, and to give your opponents cool little facial slashes that will one day impress their sons.

The Weeping Lily: Just as tear gas is not actually a gas but a fine crystalline substance that impedes breathing and causes pain and temporary blindness, the Weeping Lily is actually not a lily at all, but a member of the orchid family that also happens to spit tear gas.

Murder Daisies: The only fully anthropomorphized flower on this list, these little dastards have angry-looking scrunched-up faces if you get a close enough look, which you might if they happen to uproot themselves, pin you to your bed in the night with a twine of fibrous wheat stalk, and hold your eyelids open while they sneeze pollen onto your corneas for kicks.

The Chrysanthebomb: Relatively self-explanatory. Tick, tick, tick, sniff, boom.

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7627 Bellona Ave
Towson,
MD
US

Many spas claim to focus on total-body wellness, but few go so far as to build their own full-size fitness studio. Few can argue, then, when Spa Seven touts its approach as one that caters to “skin, body, and mind”—not when the spa backs up these words with a comprehensive menu of skin and beauty services and group and private fitness classes held in an expansive, well-equipped studio.

A simple philosophy guides Spa Seven’s multifaceted approach to wellness: no two bodies are the same. The spa’s staff—a highly qualified mélange of aestheticians, massage therapists, and fitness trainers—takes these words to heart when devising custom treatments and routines. Each of the spa’s five facial peels caters to a specific skin type, and a variety of massage techniques work to relieve stress from waiting for hours in traffic or hurling stalled station wagons out of one’s path.

Similarly, the fitness studio’s group classes help guests achieve mind-body symmetry in the way that feels most right for them. On one hand, P90X boot camps sculpt muscles with a program of intense weight-training and nutritional advice; on the other, yoga classes relax the senses with energy-balancing poses and contemplative games of Twister.

2080 York Rd
Lutherville Timonium,
MD
US

Maxalea is Baltimore’s home base for professional landscape architects, designers, horticulturists, technicians, and more. For your yard cleaning services, a three-person crew composed of some of the outfit’s most talented landscapers will perform a customized clean-up of pruning, weeding, and edging to guarantee a neat, natural-looking lawn for your next barbecue, mayoral stump speech, or company-wide Slip-'n'-Slide contest determining the next round of layoffs. Maxalea’s ground crew can also spread mulch, if you already own some (if not, mulch can purchased for an additional cost from Maxalea). Raking and leaf bagging are also included in your backyard’s beautification session, though excess offsite debris removal—such as branches or weeds whose removal would require multiple dump-truck trips—come at an additional cost. Maxalea's full crew of more than 80 grass whisperers ensures a level of precision and detail that separates well-tended lawns from wildly undomesticated behind-the-house prairies.

900 Oak Hill Rd
Idlewylde,
MD
US

Join 60,000 other people in perusing scores of flowery arrangements and kempt greenery in Maryland State Fairgrounds, located about 13 miles north of downtown. Browse through 400 home-improvement exhibits that will prove handy when turning your domicile into a plant paradise. Plants and game-changing garden accessories, such as the hand-powered shovel, will be available for purchase in between informative seminars. Nineteen professionally landscaped gardens will wow you with their strategically placed foliage and vivid bee-magnets. The Orchid Society will also be in attendance, showing off its prized specimens and parting with them for a price.

2200 York Rd
Lutherville Timonium,
MD
US

Apsara Day Spa & Threading's licensed aestheticians liberate bodies from unflattering fuzz with both waxing and threading treatments at their Cockeysville and Catonsville locations. Clients revamp expressive visages for upcoming mime calisthenics drills with facial waxing, or oust facial fibers with Indian techniques of deft string handling and threading. Brazilian waxes leave skin smooth from the navel down, and egyptian waxes evict strands from betwixt hips with an all-natural, sugar-based formula, which clings to individual hairs without irritating the skin.

In addition, multitalented staff members further beautification with spa services such as massages, hairstyling, and facials. One-on-one yoga sessions boost circulation and flexibility as well as building self-esteem by allowing clients to boast about being the top student.

31 Cranbrook Rd.
Cockeysville,
MD
US

Gardiners Furniture offers a variety of traditional and contemporary furniture for living rooms, bedrooms, home offices, and more in its expansive storerooms. Outfit your living room with an in-vogue two-piece ottoman ($161) by Signature Design Rayanne and a Toscana rectangular cocktail table ($179) from Ashley Furniture. Or, replace unsightly metal with stately wood in your home office with an Ashley Furniture two-drawer file cabinet ($224). Other items include a traditional handsome wooden 3-drawer end table ($242) and a Heritage TV cart by Eagle Industries ($359), ideal for taunting the floating TVs of the future with what could have been.

1530 E Joppa Rd
Towson,
MD
US