The Rock Allegiance Tour pledges adherence to the forces of electric thunder, harnessing a slew of heavy-hitting acts in a day chock-full of head-banging euphoria. Buckcherry and Papa Roach co-headline a wrecking crew of rock monsters, launching mach-speed riffs about love and annihilation that render pacemakers obsolete and librarians fatigued from shushing. Joining the on-stage armada, Puddle of Mudd buries sentimentality in the soggy soil with merciless post-grunge guitars, and Alien Ant Farm carries 10 times its own weight in alterna-metal. Further engorging eardrums, Red churns out C.S. Lewis–inspired mosh fodder, Crossfade instigates nu-metal trepanation, and Drive A unleashes sonic clauses about heartfelt misanthropy and philandering gravy.
Cleveland Rock of Ages, a night of live classic rock mastery held at the stadium of the class A affiliate for the Cleveland Indians, opens with the lead singers of Rare Earth, Sugarloaf, Blues Image, and Iron Butterfly all joining forces as the Classic Rock All-Stars and performing songs in the style of rock’s golden era. After a preliminary injection of sonic heaviness, prepare for shock rock’s one-man governing body, Alice Cooper. The heavily mascaraed maestro, well-known for mega-hits like “School’s Out,” “Poison,” and “All I Want Is a Jar of Nickels (For Christmas! For Christmas!),” will take to the stage bearing gifts of rock.
A member of a previously undiscovered species known as skateasaurus stakes its territory, tracing figure eights along the rink's hardwood floor. Dressed in blue-and-white shorts and a red trucker hat, the plush, green-and-yellow dinosaur—otherwise known as Skato—eschews eating children, and instead prompts them to shake it all about in rounds of Hokey Pokey. This fun ambiance extends to the rest of United Skates of America's roller rink, surrounded by lime-green walls and manned by a smiling staff. Inside the laser-tag arena, the outline of an asteroid belt and nearby planets pulsates under the glow of a black light as gunners duck behind posts and arches before homing in on their enemies or attempting to scan their allies' groceries. Around the rink, tables buckle under hot pizzas at bright-yellow booths, and gamers hone their skills at the nearby arcade in exchange for prizes such as backpacks, stuffed toys, and glow necklaces.