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Managing stress can be like milking an electric eel: even when you succeed, it's still hard work. Experts agree it's better to enlist a second, more experienced set of hands to untangle your wriggly tension. For $39, new clients get a 60-minute, stress-blasting neuromuscular massage from the uncompromising tranquility-party partisans at Massage Revolution, a $79 value. If you aren't a puddle at the end of the session, your next massage is free.
Massage Revolution keeps its 15 licensed massage therapists ready to jump up at the sound of a bell and slide down a fireman's pole to your side, raring to transform your rigid, aching body into a blob of joyous silly putty. Instead of temporarily relieving its symptoms, neuromuscular massage eliminates pain at its source and bequeaths long-lasting muscle relaxation. In a soothingly lit room, your therapist will seek out the pressure points where stress, stiffness, and suffering coil and hide like a rattlesnake in a freezer. Using precise, measured pressure and a stoic disposition, they'll loosen your body and leave a pleasant, minty sensation in your mind. A neuromuscular massage can not only banish pain, but restore proper posture and physical function, improve vascular health, and even induce a willingness to reach across the aisle for groceries.
Appointments are required at the Manhattan Beach studio; call or book online here. Massage is available 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day.
Reviews
CityVoters list Massage Revolution as one of the best places to get a massage in LA. Yelpers give the wellness center four stars, while Citysearchers award it a perfect five:
- The massage therapists there really know what they're doing and really care about their clientele. – karmacita, CityVoter
- The atmosphere is very soothing and you immediately relax when you enter. – phkeane, Citysearch
- I limped in stiff as a board and left feeling like gumby. This place is amazing – bbley, CityVoter
Groupon Says
I Need You to Knead Me
Relaxologists, as well as most licensed scented-candle technicians, agree that American relaxation levels (measured in units known as "Codys," after ultra-relaxed Step By Step slacker-savant Cody Lambert) are at an all-time low. A much-needed massage can restore your Cody levels to normal, but take caution—_too_ much relaxation may have unexpected consequences:
+10 Codys: Slightly out-of-reach remote control determined to be not worth pursuing. Shoes remain on, but in relative disuse.
+25 Codys: Desire to obtain food via telephone thwarted by realization that most pizzerias do not deliver sheet cake. Shoes are removed without use of hands.
+50 Codys: Skin begins to soften, secreting a thin, mucousy substance smelling strongly of violets. Remote control chooses to come to you. Good boy.
+75 Codys: Sudden, pleasing recollection of Microsoft Bob. Skin continues to grow tender to the point of gelatinous. A series of letter z's emanate from your head, visible only to infants and dogs.
+100 Codys: Spontaneous de-evolution into mollusk-like creature with vague memories of being human, but lacking cognitive capacity to fear or lament its frightening transition. Roommate comes home early with sausage pizza and the first season of Pushing Daisies. Good boy.
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