Nail polish was invented around 3000 BC in ancient China—a fact that's doubly remarkable considering that human fingernails were only invented last year. Celebrate this admirable foresight with today’s Groupon: for $10, you get a basic manicure at Salon de Sol on the Southside (a $20 value).
Manicures are the most effective method of returning hands and nails to a pristine, soft-skinned state, given that hand cloning has been outlawed in all 50 states. Should your digits be dried out, your nails be jagged, and cuticles be absolutely filthy, Salon de Sol can soothe your fist phalanges back into person-colored stone sculptures with ease. A basic manicurist basically clips, trims, and buffs clients' finger-shingles to a polished sheen, trims and clips the cuticles to ensure smooth, even growth, and softens up rough places to make hands the most presentable of human body parts, to the eternal consternation of the face.
Though fingers are necessary for tracing turkeys and plugging the unsightly hole in the middles of diamond rings, they are also useful barometers of age and refinement. When prospective employers and old flames gaze at a person’s finger docks, well-kempt nails and cuticles send a message of confidence, sophistication, and youth. After a manicure at Salon de Sol, your feelers will proclaim your put-togetherness to the crowds of the potentially amorous, as well as jealous, rough-fingered tree branches.
Appointment recommended. Additional cost for French manicure.
Groupon Says
Totally Nailed It
Once your nails are at their nailiest, you might find that the accompanying boost of confidence makes you more effective in your daily life. Consider these examples:
Before manicure: The babysitter bilks you for an extra $20 when you come home six minutes late.
After manicure: That little scrap has no idea who she's dealing with. Offer her a "ride home," but actually drive her out to the abandoned quarry. Reach under the seat of your car, pull out your grandfather's old rusty monkey wrench, and use it as a visual metaphor to teach her about how he built lifelong customer relationships through empathy and service. She'll take your lesson to heart and go on to become valedictorian.
Before manicure: Your business rival, Miles, goes over your head to take credit for your successful sale.
After manicure: Wait in the parking structure until that snake in the grass goes to his car and then follow him to his home with your headlights off. Memorize his address, and, if possible, see if he has a family. That way, someone will be home to receive the friendship bouquet you send him. On the card, write "I value your skills. Let's team up!" and draw a picture of a skull, to symbolize brainpower.
Before manicure: The local daytime-television clown rings your doorbell on his daily prank patrol. When you answer, he mashes a pie into your face and honks his trademark bicycle horn.
After manicure: Invite the clown into your home, but don't let the cameras follow—what happens between a stranger and a clown behind locked doors is nobody's business.
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