Boat captains must master the nautical lexicon before sailing the seas to ensure that they can distinguish port, which means left, from starboard, which means launch the vessel into deep space. Count down to a sea launch with today’s Groupon to Miami Aqua Tours. Choose between the following options:
- For $25, you get a sightseeing boat tour for two adults (a $50 value).
- For $45, you get a sightseeing boat tour for four adults (a $100 value).
Miami Aqua Tours’ fleet of three Coast Guard–certified vessels sweeps away passengers on picturesque tours of Miami’s coastline that depart eight times a day. Tour boats embark on two-hour excursions from Bayside Marketplace, cruising along Miami’s glittering coastline as the downtown buildings wistfully wave goodbye. Each jaunt floats past Star Island’s majestic celebrity mansions and weaves around the Venetian Islands as seafarers gaze into the depths through the glass-bottom boat and fish adjust their collars in the floor’s reflection. Alternatively, passengers can stroll from port to starboard aboard a schooner or a 58-foot pirate ship on Saturdays and Sundays during the daytime or on scenic sunset tours. While drinking in nautical breezes, customers can sip liquefied libations from the ship’s bar as tour guides narrate Miami’s tell-all memoir in both English and Spanish.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: What Makes a TV?
Enjoying television is as patriotic as knitting an apple pie or eating American flags. Here's a look at some of the components that make up these high-tech picture boxes:
• Glass: A high-end TV has a glass screen that when turned off (not recommended) will reflect your image. When turned on, it will reflect how awesome TV is.
• Cathode Ray Tube: No longer needed for modern TVs to work, but manufacturers still put one in every set just for old times' sake.
• Gold: TV signals, like men's hearts, are lustily attracted to gold, causing them to fly out of the sky into the gold brick in the back of every TV.
• A Couple of Horse Bones: 'Cause why not, right?
• Wires: They hook up to the wired helmets that all the actors wear to beam their acting into your TV.
• An Eternal Flame: To honor the former TV stars who have died.
• Tiny Fire Extinguisher: In case the eternal flame gets out of control.
• IBM PetaFlop SuperComputer: Guesses when you want to change the channel, lower the volume, etc., all to cover up the fact that the remote control doesn't do anything.
• Martin Sheen: He's gotta live somewhere.
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