Like choosing paint swatches with an impatient spouse, teeth whitening replaces pale pistachio, bavarian cream, and summer peach with simple buckets of white. Simplify your shades with today’s Groupon: for $29, you get a home teeth-whitening kit from Premium Home Whitening (a $158 value).
Premium Home Whitening's kits take trips to the dentist out of smile-brightening equations with FDA-approved gels blanching choppers up to five shades. After a quick brush and floss, patrons drop their mold-and-bite trays into heated water until the plastic becomes as pliable as the lasagna noodles floating beneath them. Ductile tooth helmets press against the upper and lower ridges, custom molding to enamel outlines. After a conservative squirting of USA-made carbamide-peroxide gel, patients insert their impressions into the mouth while clutching the micro LED light between their lips. Sessions last about 30–60 minutes, depending on tooth tolerance, and should take place once or twice daily while watching TV, reading a book, or challenging the cat to competitive staring contests. Gel supplies furnish about seven to nine treatments.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Yard Decorations
While purchasing your first home is always something to be proud of, a front lawn devoid of ornaments and personal touches is essentially a vacant lot, attracting feral dogs and train-yard gamblers. Up your curb appeal with any of these acceptable front-yard decorations:
• Phalanx of plastic lawn flamingos
• Cement fountain of kangaroo spitting water into own pouch
• Actual tortoises making the rounds with drink trays
• Large silver orb for some reason
• Koi pond for attracting beautiful hawks
• Life-size fiberglass Mayor McCheese
• Sign inviting local high school honor students to become your child
• Someone’s cat—yours? I didn’t let him in
• Orange tree planted on the day Michael Jordan was born to remind future generations that oranges resemble basketballs
• Bird bidet
• Gargoyle that comes to life at sunset but doesn’t really have anything going on
• Strobe light, smoke machine, tunes
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