Soccer, or football, puts its emphasis on the human foot, largely to keep it safe now that delinquent hands are using real rocks, paper, and scissors in their games. Keep feet from falling in with a bad crowd with today's GrouponLive deal for tickets to see the Milwaukee Wave play the Wichita Wings at U.S. Cellular Arena on Sunday, November 13, at 3 p.m. Choose between the following options:
- For $19, you get two 400-level tickets (a $38 value).
- For $35, you get four 400-level tickets (a $76 value).
Fresh from the highs of winning its fifth MISL championship, the Milwaukee Wave seeks to defend its title against Central Division rival the Wichita Wings and add to an already storied 27-year history. This season's roster returns many of last season's stars to the great indoors, including goalkeeper Nick Vorberg, whose 87 career victories place him second in team history only to the legendary foam-finger wall used during the late '80s. Midfielder Matt Stewart aims to build on a solid 2010 campaign that netted him 19 points, and veteran defender Josh Rife channels seven years of experience to stymie all zone-bound projectiles.
Adding to the high spirits of opening day, the Wave's annual teddy-bear toss encourages fans to donate stuffed animals to local charities by throwing or slingshotting them onto the field after the Wave scores its first goal. Meanwhile, a first-ever jersey auction awards high bidders custom team jerseys, with proceeds benefiting the United Way of Greater Milwaukee.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Aches and Pains
Though ancient doctors relied on fruitless treatments such as trepanning or leeching, modern medical experts know that those methods are only effective when done in tandem. Here's a look at some of the most common maladies that doctors treat every day:
Headache
What Causes It: Mild headaches can be caused by stress or angry noises, but debilitating migraine headaches are caused by bees that flew into your ears as a child and are now trying to buzz their way out.
The Cure: If aspirin doesn't work, try coating your ears in honey to coax the bees out.
Indigestion
What Causes It: Discomfort after eating may be caused by an adverse reaction to certain food enzymes, but more likely, you just accidentally ate a bunch of bees and didn't notice.
The Cure: Take the recommended dosage of an over-the-counter bee poison such as Pepto-Bismol.
Acne, a.k.a. "Bees in the Blood"
What Causes It: Too many bees in your bloodstream.
The Cure: Wash your face daily with an oil-free cleanser—if you want to do nothing about your acne. The only real cure is to swallow a live predator of bees such as a badger or skunk.
Toothache
What Causes It: Those "teeth" that hurt so much are actually enamel-covered bee eggs that other bees implanted in your mouth while you were distracted by a third group of bees working in tandem with the earlier bees to turn your body into a human honeycomb.
The Cure: There is none. You're more bee than human now. Sorry.
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