During hard times, massage-deprived individuals may resort to offering their services as personal stress balls to alleviate the anxiety of others while receiving blissful back rubs. Convert your body into a tension detoxification zone with today's Groupon for an hour-long full-body Swedish massage for $35 from Milwaukee's Best Massage (a $70 value) in Wauwatosa. The experienced therapists at Milwaukee's Best administer gentle rejuvenation endorsed by the city's own aching, metropolitan muscles.
Though the Swedish massage is performed on a clothing-free soul sac, clients' modesty remains intact with a sizeable towel gently draped over all un-massaged areas. As your muscles melt under the massage therapist's nimble knot-kneading, dim lighting and curtained windows turn privacy into a local vacation experience. Each 60-minute massage utilizes a full range of gliding techniques, kneading manipulations, and percussive pitter-patters, as well as the alternating of light and medium force to relieve uptight major muscle groups and help the mind relax. Custom-blended oils make the bone box a smooth surface to prevent uncomfortable friction while subterranean streams of blood and oxygen circulate more freely as a benefit of the massage.
Milwaukee's Best Massage is owned by Brian Norris, a certified therapeutic massage and bodywork professional with international training in a variety of massage techniques. Brian's staff of trained massage therapists implements the strength in their palms and finger-pads to identify a body's inner turmoil and politely encourage it to go out for some tall coffees and never come back. Call ahead to schedule your appointment.
Reviews
Seven Google Mappers and three Cityseachers give Milwaukee's Best Massage five stars:
- This was definitely the best massage I've ever had - no doubt. It's obvious that Brian is not only very passionate about his career but also making his clients feel better. That's always a plus! I was a bit skeptical at first and thought this would be the same as every other massage I've gotten but that was definitely not the case. Brian makes the massage very relaxing but that doesn't mean he isn't all about working out the kinks - all I can say is...WOW. 100% sure I'm sticking with these guys. – kristina.dones, Google Maps
- Brian really delivers on his promise of delivering the best massage in Wauwatosa. I go a 90-minute session, and every moment of it was blissful. He has big hands and combines the best of different massage styles; deep-tissue, plus Swedish, plus and [sic] incredible light touch that turned me into one giant goose bump! I've been back 3 times so far, and will be back again and again. Whether you're a male or female, you'll feel comfortable right away and can count on Brian to give you a 100%. – ilikemassages, Citysearch
Groupon Says
The Secret Massage
Sweden is known both for its neutral stance on war and as the inventor of a world-renowned massage technique. The Swedes first perfected their deep, relaxing massage in 1919, but because they feared their treasured techniques would fall into the wrong hands, they kept the existence of the Swedish massage a secret from the world. It was not until 1987, when satellite photos of Sweden revealed a shockingly relaxed populace and dozens of strategic massage bunkers, that the world became aware of the existence of the secret massage.
Naturally, the world powers began jockeying for access to the potentially weaponize-able massage by means both diplomatic and underhanded. Many international observers believe that the 1992 Summer Olympics were, in fact, a complicated ruse carried out by Russia and the United States to distract Sweden long enough to steal its massage, as evidenced by the fact that Sweden won an unexpected 904 gold medals that year. Still, the Swedes held tight to the massage until 1999, when Y2K-related fears caused Swedish officials to release classified details of the massage, believing that the world would likely end. Today, the Swedish massage is practiced all over the world, though rumors that the Swedes are secretly working on an even better massage run rampant.
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