Dirty clothes are traditionally worn by grungy rock stars, vagabonds, and royals pretending to be "regular people" for the purpose of understanding life outside castle walls. If you don't fit into one of these categories, pick up today's Groupon: for $20, you get $40 worth of eco-friendly dry-cleaning services from Natural Cleaners. Choose from five locations: Brookfield, Bayside, Hales Corners, Milwaukee, or Wauwatosa.
Natural Cleaners removes grime, stink, and stinky, grimy stains from garments using a process that won’t harm your family, your pets, your family's family of pets, your pet family, or the environment. The petroleum-based solvents of yore are replaced with pure liquid silicone, a natural byproduct of sand, which gently ushers detergents into your clothes and then sneaks silently away like a stain-pilfering pickpocket. No harmful vapors are released during the cleaning, and no hazardous waste or air pollutants remain afterward. This completely non-toxic process is safe for all fabrics, including buttons, delicates, and trim. Pricing varies depending on garment complexity; shirts can be laundered for $1.89, dresses cleaned for $14.93, and coats spruced up for $11.98 and up. No extra charges are applied for fabric types.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Flirting
From a handsome giraffe flaunting its long black tongue for a female giraffe—also known as a zebra—to a single-celled eukaryote flexing in a mirror before undergoing asexual binary fission, no species can begin the mating process without taking its first step: the humble flirt. Here are some surefire flirting tips to help you attract the zebra of your species:
• One time-tested technique is to drop a handkerchief and allow a potential suitor to pick it up for you. Since no one uses handkerchiefs anymore, you may substitute a used wad of facial tissue or an iPad preloaded with a haptic-feedback nose-blowing app. Two-word tip: Be coy!
• Gentlemen may be forgiven for shedding another contrivance of flirtations past—laying an overcoat over a puddle for a lady to step across. Space-age polymers have made waterproof overcoats more durable than ever, rendering this gesture meaningless—a modern gentleman instead carries a hollow cane through which he can slurp the puddle into his cheeks, so the damsel may trot across dryly. Two-word tip: Don't spit!
• People are attracted to money and confidence. Impress that bed-headed bank teller you've been crushing on by using him as a human shield during your getaway. Two-word tip: No cops!
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