Weight gain can be a hard thing to undo, much like how romance novels with Fabio covers, once picked up, are impossible to put down. Shed unwanted corporeal baggage with today's Groupon: for $749, you get six Zerona weight-loss treatments at Arne Wellness Center Chiropractic Spa in Minnetonka (a $1,569 value).
Arne Wellness Center Chiropractic Spa's resident chiropractor, Dr. Stephen Arne, DC, guides his team of trained laser wielders as they melt away unwanted fat with gentle, FDA-approved Zerona treatments. During 40-minute sessions, patients recline comfortably as the cold laser glides over skinscapes to poke holes in fat-filled adipose cells. The free-floating lipids are then swept away by the body's internal clean-up crew, resulting in slimmer physiques. Like wearing sweatbands and spandex shorts, Zerona treatments are best performed in conjunction with exercise and don't require any downtime.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Superfoods
Deemed “superfoods” by organic grocers and by bank robbers whose escapes are foiled by slipping on their rinds, certain foods have nutritional attributes that recharge the human body in strange and amazing ways:
Pomegranates: Best known from the ancient Greek myth of Persephone, wherein the fabled Cyprian princess had to eat 30 pomegranates in under a minute to banish Rumpelstiltskin back to Hades, the antioxidant properties of pomegranates are used to turn harmful toxins into harmless chronic snoring.
Açaí Berry: First constructed in genetic laboratories in 2002, these superfruits are the most common phrase to appear in online banner ads, narrowly edging out “You won’t believe” and “She wore what?!” Eating a handful of açaí berries will give you one hour of laser vision, often directed outward.
Broccoli: Nutritiously toxic? This iron-rich death blossom warns human children not to eat it by giving them one poison-free bite as a warning. Children then instinctively know to refuse further consumption and are rewarded for their evolutionary savvy with a life-size chocolate catcher’s mitt.
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