America has always been the most extreme country, from the Boston Tea Punchings to having the first man swear on the moon. We hold this shredding guitar solo to be self-evident with today's Groupon: for $50, you get a whitewater-rafting tour for two people from Northwood's Adventure in Vulcan (a $105.90 value).
Northwood's Adventure's experienced instructors guide two eight-passenger rafts through Class IV rapids on three-hour expeditions floating atop the scenic Menominee River. Trips start with a lesson in proper paddling, building up rapport amongst co-raftsmen before heading out into the currents of Class I and II rapids set against a backdrop as awe-inspiring as haikus written by a skywriter. Rafters meander down the river until they hit the gorge, where passengers climb out of water vessels for a quick hike to get an aerial view of the upcoming rapids. Boats then navigate through the Class IV rapids, enjoying the bouncy ride while little ones and timid paddlers watch from above. All paddlers then reconvene for the final stretch of river, enjoying pristine views of the winding water and possible bald eagle sightings that don't require wearing American-flag pants as bait. Rides conclude with passage over the "terminal surfer," where instructors jettison adventure-seekers over a surf hole to finish off an adrenaline-rush-filled day.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Types of Dance
Dance is the best way to physically express music and the worst way to express a coherent thesis. Here's a guide to the history behind popular dance styles and what they're up to today:
• Jazz: Origin: Jazz dance was invented to go along with jazz music, which was invented to go along with whiskey and sinful thoughts about close talking with a stranger. Today: It's still one of the most sultry types of dance around, inducing wails of desire from bugles and trumpets everywhere.
• Hip-Hop: Origin: Short for hippocampus hopscotch, hip-hop is a cerebral form of dance that involves absorbing beats, thinking about them, and regurgitating them into body movements a few hours later. Today: Hip-hop is popular in movies with confrontational names, in music videos, and in nightclubs that are just live versions of music videos.
• Ballet: Origin: Ballet originated in France as a way to train people to be more graceful so that they could more easily slide out of guillotines. Today: Now it's just a really nice dance.
• Tap: Origin: When a group of schoolchildren tromped home one day through puddles of molten metal and ruined their perfectly good buckled shoes, they discovered a new type of dance used to confound adults. Today: Tap dancers stomp louder than the notes of a song so that listeners won't be hypnotized by lyrical propaganda or brain-infecting melodies.
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