For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a 60-minute massage at Tranquility Spa Salon in Brooklyn Park (a $60 value).
Tranquility Spa Salon coddles customers with a rejuvenating spread of services set amid a cozy environment of high ceilings, neutral hues, and simple décor. Whether tending to tight tendons, sore muscles, or tight tendons bow tied around sore muscles, a certified massage therapist can soothe stiff figures during a 60-minute Swedish, deep-tissue, or sports massage. Performed by professional muscle melter Chip Sanders, the relaxing treatment is designed to calm bone cushions, improve circulation, and settle a mind rattled by smack-talking shoulders. For an additional charge, newly revitalized patrons can choose to complement this service with any one of Tranquility Spa Salon's hair or nail treatments.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Winning a Nobel Prize
The fastest way to land a job these days is to add Nobel Prize winner to your resume. To apply for a Nobel, simply text PRIZE to 631228 after reading some inside info that will help you take home a Nobel:
- The Nobels are no longer awarded only in boring categories such as Science and Learning. Try applying for a Nobel Prize in a subject such as Loneliest Repairman or Most Cigarettes in Mouth at Once.
- The actual Nobel Prize itself is a scale model of a Corvette, so you'll want to build a garage for it before you win.
- The final test for prospective Nobel winners is exactly like the ending of the original Willy Wonka movie, including the flying elevator and the scores of missing children.
- Nobel winners get to meet the king of Sweden, so remember to avoid eye contact with him and lick his paws after he blesses you.
- You can't win if you don't try. But you can also not win even if you do try, which would be embarrassing. Best not to try.
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