Muscles, like the tails of sleeping cats or levers labeled “drain ocean,” were never meant to be pulled. Reverse the damage with today's Groupon to Eli Massage. Choose from the following options:
- For $35, you get a 60-minute massage (a $70 value).
- For $50, you get a 90-minute massage (a $110 value).
- For $65, you get a 120-minute massage (a $140 value).
Massage therapist Eleonora Troyanovskaya of Eli Massage boasts a deft touch and hands trained in 10 types of massage, using them to meld together the best technique for every individual's situation. Before any muscle manipulation occurs, the therapist conducts an informal interview in order to better tackle chronic pain, tightness, and recurring dreams of wrangling a nearly empty tube of toothpaste. Customers can then relax while enjoying a deep-tissue, sports, acupressure, Swedish, shiatsu, or trigger-point massage. Additionally, a hot-stone massage melts stress with broad strokes and the strategic bodily placement of stones heated by hot water or atmospheric re-entry.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Sassy T-shirt Slogans
T-shirts just aren’t worth the trouble if they don’t have a sassy slogan on them. Here are some classic shirt sayings that express attitude:
• "If You’re Not the Big Hog, Get Off the Pot!"
• "Certified PSI: Pantsuit Inspector"
• "Funeral Attire? You’re Looking at It!"
• "The Underwear Club for Men and Women: Ping-Pong—This Ain’t No Dinner Table!"
• "Who Called Grandma?!?"
• "I May Be Over the Hill, but I’m Still Under the Influence"
• "Only I Know What That Smell Is"
• "My Wife Might Wear the Pants, but I’m Wearing This Shirt!"
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