In emergency situations, moonlight reflected off pearly whites creates a beaming beacon that registers in the canine-visible spectrum of light. Today's Groupon equips your smile with brightness that will definitely one day save your life: for $99, you get a teeth-whitening treatment from Matt McGee Family & Cosmetic Dentistry near 100 Oaks Mall, a $300 value.
At Matt McGee Family & Cosmetic Dentistry, patients can acquire bright and lustrous smiles without duct taping a set of chrome rims to their molars. Within a cozy and welcoming interior, visitors can soak in soothing surroundings designed to make guests comfortable and repel unruly stone golems. Each teeth-whitening process begins with an examination that assesses dental health and ensures no dental issues will be exacerbated by the treatment. Patients will be provided with custom bleaching trays that fit snugly around mouth bones and can be saved for future use or as boomerang replacements. Additionally, patients will get three tubes of professional-strength whitening solution that apply a brightening sheen to mouthy toothsicles.
A whitening treatment from Matt McGee Family & Cosmetic Dentistry packs more of a stain-blasting wallop than a bucket of free-range, grass-fed mung-bean sprouts, especially if your idea of a daily brushing is a mouthful of sand and a hot hose of water from a Super Soaker. Declare today permanent, lustrous smile day.
Groupon Says
Truth Frightening
Tooth whitening is a typically positive experience, unlike its mush-mouthed homophone treatment, "Truth Frightening," in which the discoloration is terrified off your teeth by exposing it to today's most terrifying news headlines. Make sure to cover your teeth's eyes with your lips before you read these frightening headlines from today's Groupon Science Monitor:
- PRESIDENT REVEALS ROBOTIC METAL FACE, OTHER CHANGES
- DOLPHINS 'NOT HAVING IT ANYMORE'
- COUNCIL ON CLIMATE CHANGE FLEES IN HOMEMADE SPACECRAFT
- METEOR APPROACHES EARTH, SEEKS OPINION ON AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL SHORT STORY ABOUT GROWING UP IN ASTEROID BELT
- DEWEY DEFEATS HUMANS
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