Before photography, family memories were kept alive through annual reenactments of the year's best moments, despite Grandpa's continued miscasting as the mischievous puppy. Treasure your memories with today's Groupon: for $30, you get an on-location portrait session, one 8"x10" print, and two 5"x7" prints from Statum Photography (an $85.98 value). The shoot can take place at any location within 30 miles of 37128. A $5 travel charge will be levied for every additional 10 miles traveled.
Photographer Kym Statum captures flattering profiles and thoughtful expressions in 45- to 60-minute portrait sessions (a $60 value) that reveal photographees' personalities. Up to six people can pose in the medium photo shoot, and images will be digitally retouched afterward to remove blemishes and friends who opposed your collectivization policies.
Photographees can view the top 15-plus pictures in black and white, color, and charcoal rendition on Statum Photography's website after 7 to 10 days, then select the best single 8"x10" print (a $10 value) and two 5"x7" prints (a $15.98 total value). Prints arrive three to six days after ordering. Portrait subjects also receive four complimentary low-res, watermarked images that can be proudly displayed on Facebook or a personal website that showcases your collection of hobo trading cards.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: School Skills
Before children can advance to the next grade in school, they must possess certain skills necessary for increasing academic success. Here are the skills your child needs before beginning the next level of their K–12 education:
Kindergarten: Familiarity with the alphabet's first (or "beginner's") half
First Grade: Ability to fake an understanding nod when difficult concepts arise
Second Grade: Readiness for spelling bees and their more dangerous cousins, spelling wasps
Third Grade: Can design and carve their own multiplication table
Fourth Grade: No longer satisfied by anecdotal evidence of cooties, demands to see empirical proof
Fifth Grade: Can judge a book by its cover
Sixth Grade: Feels an adult-like superiority over younger elementary students, derived mainly from shoebox-diorama proficiency
Seventh Grade: Recognizes that rest-of-life coolness is determined on the first day of middle school
Eighth Grade: Expertise in Hollywood-caliber makeup effects to simulate outward signs of puberty
Ninth Grade: Total rejection of parents, society, sellouts, poseurs, un-raged-against machines, traditional values, book learning, mall curfews, capitalism, know-it-alls, know-a-bits, know-nothings, playing a full game of Mousetrap instead of just building the mousetrap and watching that, anyone who hasn't seen The Matrix, anyone who has seen The Matrix, and most of their friends from middle school
10th Grade: Should be able to read by now
11th Grade: Prepares for prom by holding hundreds of practice proms in the backyard, starring dozens of neighborhood dogs in tuxedos
12th Grade: Must be a complete and functioning adult
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