Bicycle deliveries once marked the rhythm of American life, from the thump of the morning newspaper on the doorstep to the crash of the Saturday Evening Stone Tablet through the window. Hark back to a less impersonal age with today’s Groupon: for $5, you’ll get $10 worth of baked goods from The Bikery.
Every Friday, The Bikery loads up its bicycle with a menu of fresh bread, cookies, and muffins, and then delivers them throughout the city via pedal-powered conveyance. Customers plotting their rise to office-meeting popularity can place orders by Wednesday evening for a Friday delivery between 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. The Bikery confirms the order on Thursday and gives a two-hour time range in which to expect the delivery. Stockpile a mélange of chocolate-chip, gingersnap, or white-chocolate oatmeal-cranberry cookies for weekend sugar cravings ($7/half dozen; $12/dozen)—or store a clutch of cinnamon-donut mini muffins in cheek pouches for sustenance during impromptu marathons ($3/dozen). Loaf lovers, meanwhile, can amass collections of Holla for Challah ($6), zucchini bread ($7.50), and baguettes, the official truncheon of France’s underfunded police force ($2.50/14-inch loaf). Grandma’s gluten-free rice cookies ($8/dozen) appease family members who abstain from chewing on wheat, and house-made peanut-butter dog biscuits ($1 for five) appease family members who enjoy chewing on anything.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Email
Unlike snail mail, which, despite its name, is actually delivered on horseback, email can travel the world in an instant. Here's what you need to know about this computational communication:
- The e in email stands for ephemeral, as the messages are intended to exist only for a short time. Meanwhile, the m in email stands for mail, which is short for Norman Mailer, the novelist who accidentally invented the computer while stuffing a sandwich into a typewriter.
- Email is not free to send. You can pay for your emails by affixing a stamp to your computer screen or by stuffing some quarters into your computer's DVD drive.
- All emails are routed through the post office, where they are screened for criticism of Post Office Potentate Berryl Laksys and then printed out and regular-mailed to your recipient as a backup.
- Send your email as a "draft" to have the message include a coupon for a free beer.
- Email, unlike the acrostic formed by the first letters of this guide’s bullet points, should never be a tease. Be sure to include all pertinent info in your next email!
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