Homes left long-uncleaned will often develop an extra-dimensional layer of filth over their entire surface, inviting otherworldly spirit blobs of old cereal and cat hair into our reality. Close the portal to this evil realm with today's deal: for $59, you get two hours of home cleaning (a $120 value) from America's Cleaning Company. A two-person crew will travel to homes anywhere in Manhattan. Two hours is the ideal amount of time for a one-bedroom apartment, depending on how dirty or bachelorized the space. Buy up to three of today's deal and get up to six hours for a larger home or especially filthy closet.
America's Cleaning Company whips wilted homesteads into shape using proprietary GreenLab cleaning products for all-natural cleanliness that won't harm your family, your pets, your family's family of pets, your pet family, or the environment—all while still effectively eradicating the encrusted Lean Cuisine from your microwave and the banana colony from underneath the dresser. The two-person cleaning crew will scrub-a-dub every imaginable living surface and furniture underbelly, leaving formerly dusty sideboards glittering and toilets free of nests of feral stink gibbons. Trash will be removed, appliances will once again double as mirrors, and carpets will be vacuumed of any lingering poltergeists. A supervisor will inspect the work at the end of the appointment to ensure satisfaction for all and shmutz for none. If you hire the America's Cleaning Company crew to stay on for further hours, you'll receive an additional 20% off for the first visit.
Reviews
Six Citysearchers unanimously give America's Cleaning Company five stars:
- They just cleaned my 3 bedroom apartment...and it looks I just moved in. Great job, I recomend that you call them and try it out. You wont be disappointed [sic]. – RobertSawyer01
- These people were very friendle [sic] and professional at the same time. They tackled my home quickly and quietly and left no corner untouched. Supervisor was on top of the crew and did a walk through at the end to make sure that the job was perfect. – anne L
- I am very particular and I could not do a better job myself. Finally I found a cleaning service that pays attention to detail. Not just surface cleaning here, this is the real deal. – TonyHoboken
Groupon Says
How Much Dust Is Too Much?
After buying today's Groupon, don't rush to call and schedule your cleaning right away. Instead, consider whether your home is really too dusty or if you have just the right amount of dust. Here's a guide:
On the Dust Scale: 3 Bunnies out of 10 Too Much Dust?: No way! A little dust goes a long way to proving that you're "real," a hardcore street businessman or woman who's too busy attending restaurant openings and library demolitions to clean the house every couple of hours. Business associates and romantic partners alike prefer a layer of reassuring dust to encrust your belongings.
On the Dust Scale: 8 Bunnies out of 14 Too Much Dust?: Borderline. This much dust allows you to collect enough swirls of cotton-like hair and debris to fabricate your own pillow stuffing or sculpt into the shape of that art project you always talk about. Dust-ball fights are also fun if you're having hypoallergenic children over.
On the Dust Scale: 40 Bunnies out of 42 Too Much Dust?: Yes. The amount of human skin cells in dust means that large piles of dust will inevitably gain consciousness, and though freakish, this sentient mass of contradictions will demand your respect and pity. Doesn't it have as much right to live in your home as you do? What will you name it?
Comment on our feelings board
