In addition to experiencing the humiliation of being buried by dogs and dug up by science teachers, skeletons are ornery because they lack the musculature necessary to get massaged. Avoid taking your skin for granted with today’s Groupon to Jenz Salon in Plattsmouth. Choose between the following options:
- For $12, you get a 30-minute Swedish massage with Brittany Vangsness (a $25 value).
- For $32, you get a 60-minute hot-stone massage with Brittany Vangsness (a $65 value).
At Jenz Salon, massage therapist Brittany Vangsness chaperones fatigued skeletal systems to hard-to-reach realms of relaxation. As if her clients' backs were pianos and her fingers were Beethoven’s toes, Vangsness conducts 30-minute Swedish massage sonatas with long, soothing strokes aimed at loosening tight fibers and boosting circulation. Smooth, heated rocks snuggle up on key points of the back during hot-stone sessions, melting deep-rooted stress like pads of butter in a candle. For an additional $25, customers may stretch their Swedish massage across 60 minutes or their hot-stone massage across 90 minutes.
The recently remodeled salon’s jacquard walls and bright accents are as chipper as the smiling faces of its merry band of aestheticians. A bubbling fountain sits in the massage studio and will gladly store surplus pennies or magic beans.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Safeguarding Your Computer
It's a world wild web out there, full of viruses, trojan horses, and cyber mummies. Consult this guide to keeping your computer squeaky clean:
A thumbprint on your monitor might be on the inside of the screen—use a screwdriver to get it out.
There are only three safe websites: robinwilliams.net, robinwilliams.org, and will.i.am.
Keep your computer "clean" by removing all the swears from your Excel documents and deleting any pictures of people kissing.
Look out for Trons!
Draw a picture of a scarecrow in MS Paint and set it as your background. It won't stop viruses, but it will kill filthy birds near your computer.
Crumbs between keys can become sustenance for viruses to breed. Replace your keyboard every three hours.
Cell phones are tiny computers that will fit in your dishwasher. You're welcome.
Comment on our feelings board
