Detoxification is more than drinking herbs, wearing cucumbers, and painting Russian nesting dolls. Today's Groupon to Balance Health Center delivers full-body calm with a 60-minute sage and cedarwood massage plus foot massage for $60, a $120 value. Put your shoulders and feet on an evenly relaxed playing field for the first time since you wore a full-body sock to junior prom.
Your hour-long Earth massage escape will ward away the worries that have lodged themselves in the nooks of your joints and the crooks of your connective tissues with a bouquet of sage and cedarwood essential oils. These ancient odors spawned Captain Planet and caused combating tribes to lay down their arms and swap fried-marmoset recipes. When your massage therapist has successfully exorcised your full-body stressors, your neglected body-walkers will get their own ethereal kneading.
Your feet receive the brunt of your daily force. Every step you take increases their tension, especially if the poor pups are crammed inside a pointy heel or poorly sanded wooden shoe. Balance Health's massage therapists are fully equipped with opposable thumbs to restore your leg hands to their natural springy state. Get this Groupon to treat your body and mind to a restorative hour of tension-erasing massage.
Reviews
Yelpers give Balance Health Center 4.5 stars, and Citysearchers give it a perfect five:
- I have such a stressful job...,,,,,all I wanted was a massage...and I got it! The most relaxing massage...so soothing..im [sic] floating on air!!! – featherheather, Citysearch
- I LOVE Balance, it seems that whom ever Balance hires , [sic] they always hand pick the doctors , therapists, and teacher .[sic]They have the best..I trust anyone that they have on staff, they are professional and amazing. – QueenRittenhouse, Citysearch
Groupon Says
The Groupon Stress Test
If you've been in one of the following common, high-stress situations, you're in dire need of a relaxing, detoxifying, and luxurious massage:
- Narrowly escaping a hostage situation only to discover that your roommate’s dog, Phyllis, has become bloated and content from masticating your grandmother’s wedding album.
- Narrowly surviving a snapped bungee cord by tucking and rolling into a muddy river bank and discovering that the bungees tied to your ankles are not industrial rubber, but in fact low-grade eels.
- Narrowly eluding law enforcement after being framed for unarmed robbery by your villainous twin brother, Rudie, and hitchhiking home in a truck shipping mealy pumpkins to fixed-income widows.
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