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When life sends you a robot monkey, mastering the jungle gym won't be enough to protect your bananas from its futuristic grasp. Hide your delicious fruits atop the airy peaks of climbing walls with today's Groupon to Philadelphia Rock Gyms. For $20, you get a full day of climbing, equipment rental, and an hour-long Intro to Climbing lesson, a $42 value. Redeem your Groupon at either Philadelphia Rock Gym locations in Oaks and Valley Township. Classes are offered Monday through Friday from 12:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. and all day (10 a.m. to 8 p.m.) Saturday and Sunday.
Climbing in a rock gym is nothing like grappling the plywood-and-plastic climbing walls at a company picnic or building a batting cage in your backyard. Rock gym walls are covered with state-of-the-art textured products that mimic the conditions of real rocks (indentions, protrusions, overhangs, underhangs, and cracks included). Veteran climbers say rock climbing is sort of like training and running a marathon, but you get the adrenaline rush in shorter, more intensely concentrated spurts. In your Introduction to Climbing lesson, you'll learn all the basics you need to scale safely and enough knot-tying skills to impress an easily impressed sailor.
The adrenaline rush of rock climbing is beyond compare. As you climb the rock, you may play out fantasies in your imagination about the rock climbing you. As rock climbing enters your life, you may discover that you have trouble carrying out everyday tasks accurately, as you are unable to shift your consciousness away from rock climbing.
Reviews
In 2008, Nickelodeon Parents Connect users named Philadelphia Rock Gyms as the Best Indoor Partyspace for Teens.
Though there are few online reviews, City Squares users give the Valley Township location a five-star rating, as does one Google Map reviewer for the Oaks branch:
- Wonderful experience, fantastic staff and facility. I would recommend this to anyone looking to climb indoors. – Sam, Google Maps
Groupon Says
We Will Rock You
In The Art of War: Coloring Placemat Edition, Sun Tzu teaches that to defeat your opponent, you must become your opponent. This is easily done for tiger hunters who have access to tiger skins as well as man-eating tigers who have access to Facebook, but what if your enemy is a rock? We've got you covered with these tips on turning to stone even faster than your stepmother's heart when you tell her there's a ball. Any of the following should suffice:
- Acquire a Pet Rock from an online auction. Watch its movements closely. If it does not appear to make any movements, devour it to gain its quiet wisdom.
- Make eye contact with a mythological figure such as the gorgon, the basilisk, or Strange Days starlet Ms. Juliette Lewis.
- Step 1: Acquire a Tanooki Suit. Step 2: Press Down+B.
- Become quickly buried after death, say in tar or beneath the remnants of a sandstorm. As your body slowly decays, water infused with minerals will seep into your skeletal structure, replacing the organic material with rock-like minerals, a process sometimes referred to as permineralization. Wait for your body to be excavated hundreds of thousands of years later and enjoy being nicknamed after some anthropologist's four-year-old daughter and appearing naked on the cover of Scientific American.
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