Skin is a difficult organ to care for, requiring constant attention to channel its boundless energy from destructively staging circulatory sit-ins and gastrointestinal hunger strikes. Tend to your tender bone blanket with today's Groupon: for $75, you get the European Inch Loss wrap and facial at Beauty Body & Beyond, located in Greensburg (a $144 value).
Beauty Body & Beyond pampers its patrons with rejuvenating treatments and luxurious products in a soothing spa setting. The European Inch Loss wrap encases curves in a fat-cell-evicting amino-acid-and-collagen solution. While the body marinates, tissues are nourished and cellular metabolism is stimulated. Clients emerge from their cocoons like svelte, skinny-jean-wearing butterflies, with pre- and post-treatment measurements to verify inch loss. Though inch loss is not permanent, newly slim silhouettes last for an average of two to three months.
The facial refreshes and nourishes skin with a combination of specialized products and a circulation-improving facial massage. Customize your facial to hydrate dry winter skin or unclog congested pores, resulting in clearer, smoother, and more radiant organ wrapping without the hard labor of silkworm farming.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Meteorology
One of the most confusing of the "ologies," meteorology is actually the study of weather, just as weatherology is the study of meteorology. Here are a few ways you can predict the weather yourself, so you never have to watch the news or talk to anyone else ever again:
- Hold a dampened finger up in the wind. Depending on which side of your finger gets cold first, you may be inside of a tornado.
- If you don't like the weather in your city, wait five minutes. If your uncontrollable rage has not subsided after five minutes, move to a different city.
- If your grandfather's old knee injury starts acting up, it means a storm is coming—a metaphorical storm symbolizing the inescapable perils of old age.
- Remember, a sun wearing sunglasses means a heat wave is underway, just as raisins wearing sunglasses indicate an approaching "cool" front, and a sun wearing sunglasses holding two scoops of raisins means a 90% chance of a complete breakfast.
- You can tell how far away the center of a storm is by counting the seconds between lightning and thunder then multiplying that number by the amount of time you've wasted listening to the sky.
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