Like cliff diving or ferret ownership, football is an endeavor best watched from the sidelines. Witness acts of bodily bravery with today's Groupon: for $20, you get one lower-level ticket to a Pittsburgh Power home game (a $50 value). Seats are available in end-zone-flanking sections (105, 109, 116, and 120) on a first come, first served basis. Choose between the following options:
- Saturday, April 16 at 7:30 p.m.
- Saturday, June 25 at 7:30 p.m.
Making their first foray onto the indoor gridiron this season, the AFL newbies Pittsburgh Power bare their fangs at the Jacksonville Sharks on April 16 and stampede toward the Milwaukee Mustangs on June 25, in a game of fast-paced, potentially high-scoring arena action that pigskin fans inherently crave. Head coach Chris Siegfried has assembled a team led by quarterback and Pittsburgh native Anthony Morelli, who leads his associates using rushing and passing skills honed from previous stints with the Arizona Cardinals and Penn State Nittany Lions and an internship with the maitre d' of a busy restaurant. The Power's dance team, The Sparks, entertains the crowd between plays. All the action takes place at the newly built Consol Energy Center on Fifth Avenue, which also serves as home to the NHL's Pittsburgh Penguins and a hangar for invisible dirigibles. The April 16 game lures country fans with a halftime performance by Sarah Marince, and June 25 is Kids' Night.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Meteorology
One of the most confusing of the "ologies," meteorology is actually the study of weather, just as weatherology is the study of meteorology. Here are a few ways you can predict the weather yourself, so you never have to watch the news or talk to anyone else ever again:
- Hold a dampened finger up in the wind. Depending on which side of your finger gets cold first, you may be inside of a tornado.
- If you don't like the weather in your city, wait five minutes. If your uncontrollable rage has not subsided after five minutes, move to a different city.
- If your grandfather's old knee injury starts acting up, it means a storm is coming—a metaphorical storm symbolizing the inescapable perils of old age.
- Remember, a sun wearing sunglasses means a heat wave is underway, just as raisins wearing sunglasses indicate an approaching "cool" front, and a sun wearing sunglasses holding two scoops of raisins means a 90% chance of a complete breakfast.
- You can tell how far away the center of a storm is by counting the seconds between lightning and thunder then multiplying that number by the amount of time you've wasted listening to the sky.
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