Sandwiches, like love songs and two-person horse costumes, are a huge hit at weddings. Share a sandwich on any occasion with today's Groupon: for $26, you get a punch card good for eight regular-size sub sandwiches at an area Quiznos location (up to a $51.92 value); see the sidebar for participating locations. This Groupon must be redeemed for your punch card by July 4; the punch card will only be valid at the location you choose for your first purchase and does not expire.
Quiznos' toastmasters fix a fleet of submarine sandwiches using butcher-quality meats, fresh toppings, and an array of artisan breads, which they artfully assemble as you watch. Signature subs (up to a $6.49 value, though prices may vary by location) come straight from Chef Zach Calkins's gourmet cookbook. The protein-packed prime rib & peppercorn swims with sautéed onions and mozzarella, and each Baja chicken sandwich—like a bouquet of roses set on fire—fuses the sweet and the smoky. The turkey ranch & swiss arrives piled high with lettuce, tomatoes, and red onions, and a convivial quartet of cured meats bathes in red-wine vinaigrette upon the classic italian sub. Feel free to trap condiments between nine-grain wheat, rosemary parmesan, italian herb, or italian white breads, or avoid the bun concept entirely by either ordering one of five chopped salads, such as the classic cobb, or ordering your secretary to send bread's calls straight to voicemail.
Quiznos’ franchises across the nation can set menu prices and offer discounts at their own discretion; however, this Groupon offers the best deal available based on nationwide pricing.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Citizens' Arrests
The Constitution grants every citizen many of the powers and privileges of a real police officer—as clearly dictated by Amendment Alpha, an acrostic made up of the first letter of every other amendment. To aid you in your citizenly duty to stop crime wherever you may see it, here's a guide to correctly performing a citizen's arrest:
Confirm the Crime: Many things that seem illegal, such as stealing cable or breaking a young girl's heart, are actually not against the law. And many things that are illegal, such as being mean to a dog or hitting someone with a car, seem perfectly fine to do. As a layman law enforcer, you are only authorized to make a citizen's arrest for one of the offenses that make up "The Big Three": theft, murder, and crime.
Approach the Offender: The vast majority of people you target won’t even realize they've committed a crime—and so will happily submit when you attempt to bind their hands with your homemade handcuffs (try making them out of twigs and discarded hair; it doubles as a friendship bracelet when your arrestee gets out of jail). If for some reason the criminal doesn't want to be arrested, you are constitutionally authorized to shoot them down with a cutting insult.
Await the Authorities: All that's left to do is call in the professional lawmen by ringing the nearest Crime Bell. Within seconds, a fleet of judges should arrive at the scene to carry out swift justice by sentencing the offender to jail, apology camp, house arrest (no longer allowed to watch the television program House), or a year of hard labor, which is just another name for an unpaid internship in an obstetrician's office. Time to reward yourself for keeping your city safe by setting off some fireworks.
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