Roughly 85% of New Year's resolutions never make it past the hypothetical phase, according to an unfinished study that was abandoned in early February. Achieve your weight-loss goals with today’s Groupon: for $599, you get a LipoLaser and vibration-exercise machine package at Splendore Medspa in Greensburg (a $1,200 value).
The package includes the following:
- Six 30- to 40-minute Lapex BCS LipoLaser sessions for the abdominal area, legs, or arms
- Six 10-minute sessions on the Platinum Noblerex full-body vibration-platform exercise machine, to be used the same days as the LipoLaser treatments
Under the supervision of their medical director, the doctor-certified technicians at Splendore Medspa work to shrink waistlines with expert LipoLaser treatments. During a consultation and assessment, technicians take medical histories, evaluate body types in order to customize treatments, and answer any questions patients may have. Then clients relax on the soft tables as light from the Lapex BCS LipoLaser safely penetrates skin more comfortably and effectively than old-fashioned epidermal battering rams. As the laser works its way into adipose-heavy zones, its specialized wave-lengths work to shrink fat cells by making them porous enough to relinquish their water, fatty acids, glycerol, and marshmallow-cream centers. After the treatment, which requires no downtime, patients can speed along fat cells’ departure on the Platinum Noblerex full-body vibration platform. As patients perch upon the platform, they must contract their muscles in order to maintain equilibrium, working to tighten musculature, improve flexibility, and cultivate a strong sense of balance. Like painting a self-portrait with their foot, most patients achieve best results with weekly sessions spread out over three to six weeks.
In the opulent waiting room, leather easy chairs and couches cradle clients as they sip drinks from a coffee bar or contemplate the modern, sculptural art decking the walls. Lush plants flank modern medical equipment within the quiet, tranquil treatment rooms where patients recline upon pillow-strewn tables that are softer than a cashmere-clad cloud.
Though Splendore Medspa sometimes offers a discounted rate, today's Groupon still offers the best available discount.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Bad Habits
Every human body is just a reservoir for helpful, disgusting fluids and bad habits. Here's a guide to some common habits and why they're considered bad:
• Rolling Eyes: A nonverbal expression of disdain or common side effect of wearing bifocal contact lenses, an eye roll can cause dizziness and disorientation, unless it's coupled with a sarcastic comment, such as, "Great facial expressions, Alice!" or "I guess we'll never know which Darren can't stop burping."
• Biting Nails: It's true that biting nails keeps them at a safe length for petting a blimp or touching a baby's head, but it also has serious health drawbacks. Nail biters suffer from chronic dehydration from not being able to open cans of soda, as well as loneliness after failing to peel price tags off of friends' birthday gifts.
• Grinding Teeth: Teeth make mouths dangerous to navigate during kissing, which is why hopeless romantics are always trying to grind their teeth down into soft nubs. The downside to grinding teeth is that the resulting shavings are extremely valuable and will make you a target for ivory hunters.
• Chewing with Mouth Open: Though you may think you're doing your table neighbors a kindness by showing them that you're not eating their food, chewing with your mouth open produces a disturbing sound that reminds many people of the time their robot drank quicksand.
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