Paintball is like a production of Hamlet: it's exciting, demanding, and by the end everyone has pretend-died. Take paintball arms against a sea of troubles with today's Groupon: for $25, you get an individual paintball package that includes admission, a Piranha marker gun, mask, goggles, 300 rounds of paintballs, and unlimited air refills at Urban Assault in Cecil (a $50 value). This Groupon is valid at either the indoor facility on Laurel Hill Road or the outdoor facility on Cecil Sturgeon Road.
Boasting a 30,000-square-foot indoor facility and eight outdoor battlefields, Urban Assault equips acrylic assassins with the necessary provisions for defeating enemy contingents. Paint-hungry players strap on masks, load their muskets, and rally teammates with a spirited trumpet from a giant conch before heading out into their chosen war arena. Indoor scrums allow soldiers to hide behind and maneuver around barricades illuminated by black lights, developing strategy while fog machines and roaring music confuse the enemy and inspire impromptu dance parties among eliminated players. For a skirmish out in the open, generals can lead their squads through a variety of outdoor fields that showcase divergent terrains and naturally wooded combat zones. Peppered with camouflaged bulwarks and improvised wooden forts, outdoor arenas encourage pigment slingers to utilize the protection of trees and bushes while invading un-scouted terrain or secretly redecorating enemy hideouts.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Choosing Produce
There's no worse feeling than when you buy what you assume is perfectly ripe produce only to discover it's too hard or have it dissolve into a pile of ashes in your grocery bag. Here are some tips for filling your basket with ready-to-eat fruits and vegetables:
- Broccoli: Drag the vegetable florets-side-up across your arm. Each should be firm enough to rid your forearm of unwanted hair.
- Cherry: You'll have to tear through the tasteless, inedible outer layer to test the cherry's high-protein, peanut-like core. Once you expose the cherry nut, swallow it and rate the pain you feel as it gradually moves down your throat. If it's less than a seven, it's too ripe.
- Apple: Smell an apple. Does it smell apple?
- Cantaloupe: Knock on it to determine if it's hollow. If it is, there's a gerbil living inside subsisting on the fruit's ripe core. Hurry up! You'll have to eat quickly to beat the gerbil.
- Pumpkin: This orange, round gourd shouldn't deflate easily, so repeatedly stab it with something sharp, such as a hunting knife or the tools doctors use to open their mail.
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