Bodies only have room for so much, as they already house high volumes of water, an elaborate internal organ system, and a memorized diagram of the six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Declutter human chassis with today's Groupon: for $30, you get an ionic detoxifying footbath treatment at HairapyPDX Organic Salon (a $70 value).
Ernest Brooks, the wellness wizard at HairapyPDX Organic Salon, curates corpuses with organic beauty products and cleansing body treatments. The 45-minute ionic feet-detoxifying treatment immerses weary dogs in a warm water-based solution infused with steel electrodes that aim to cleanse the body, removing heavy metals, toxic waste, and shavings from bellybutton pencil sharpeners. After the bath, customers may notice reduced inflammation, increased energy, and a stronger immune system that can suddenly defend against surprise attacks from coworkers' sneezes and sick children's nunchucks. Groupon customers also get eight complimentary minutes in HairapyPDX's Sogno Dreamwave massage chair, which scans the human body for tension points to conduct an automated custom massage.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Creative Discipline Ideas
Children sleep for about 18 hours a day, but they will sometimes act out during their brief windows of lucidity. And though any parent can teach right from wrong with a timeout or by withholding attention, it takes a special parent to discipline outside the box. Here are some creative punishments for unruly children:
- The child must eat two dinners before bedtime.
- The child must read your Toy Story fan fiction in which Buzz Lightyear spends 47 pages feeling sad about his life.
- The child must watch you smoke an entire carton of cigarettes while you explain precisely why doing so hurts your body.
- The child must get a boring art degree instead of a trendy business one.
- The child must defeat a robot version of his/herself.
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