Caring for your body is a task that knows no end, much like counting all the stars in the night sky or shaving Mount Rushmore. Attend to your anatomy and protect your health with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a one-hour reflexology foot treatment (a $60 value) and a bio energizer detox foot spa (a $20 value) at Changing Lives in Johnston (an $80 total value).
The experienced reflexology therapists at Changing Lives foster holistic health with ancient and updated techniques in stress reduction and mind-body harmonization. Patients relax as professionals apply gentle, controlled pressure to pre-determined points on the feet, believed to be connected to the nervous system through a wide-ranging system of Pony Express couriers. Therapists strive to settle disputes between balance and pain, while improving circulation throughout the complex latticework of human hallways. After the one-hour reflexology treatment, lower extremities laud the calming therapy of a 30-minute bio energizer detox foot spa, which sends signals through the lymph glands to stimulate detoxification of unwanted contaminants, toxins, and sandal-wearing compulsions. The ten-toed ligaments act as a control panel for harmony and balance to circulate, support feelings of wellness, and galvanize bodies for the demands of modern life and postmodern ennui.
Groupon Says
Groupon Guide to: Baby-Sitting
Until child-labor laws are amended to allow adolescents to become doctors and lawyers, business-savvy youths will be restricted to earning a living as a babysitter. If you're stuck tending to babies, follow these tips to ensure you'll maintain steady employment:
- Arrive early so you have plenty of time to determine how long it takes to exit the house through the chimney, should you accidentally lock yourself in the home.
- Before the parents leave, reassure them their baby will be fine by swallowing the emergency-contact info sheet, then opening your mouth so they can see you aren't hiding it behind your tonsils.
- Leave the baby alone. Since babies aren't smart, it's likely the baby will mistake you for one of its parents and expect you to constantly cradle it, unless it mistakes you for a deer, in which case it will expect you to constantly lick it.
- Enforce a strict bedtime. Without sleep, babies' brains never shut down, allowing them to constantly acquire new knowledge and grow in size. If a baby's brain grows too quickly, that baby will be more uncomfortable when the parents dress it in a child-size football helmet.
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