Like painting an Easter egg, painting a house encourages the expression of individual taste, yet fails to bestow the satisfaction of chucking the finished product at a passing car. Festively festoon a room with today's Groupon: for $99, you get one room painted with two coats of paint, from Eric's Painting Services, serving a 40-mile radius around Franklin (a $220 value). This Groupon does not include the cost of paint and is valid for any room with dimensions up to 12'x12' and ceilings up to 8 feet high.
The bonded and insured squad of chromatic commandos at Eric's Painting Services travels with a stockpile of professional equipment, coating bland vertical surfaces in high-quality paint. The floor and furniture are lovingly draped with a protective cloth before the team thoroughly repairs any of the walls' small dents, holes, and wormholes. Two coats of paint follow preparation, transforming dull tones into rich, vibrant façades. All tools, tape, and miscellaneous painters are removed from the premises after the service.
Groupon Says
Groupon Guide to: Baby-Sitting
Until child-labor laws are amended to allow adolescents to become doctors and lawyers, business-savvy youths will be restricted to earning a living as a babysitter. If you're stuck tending to babies, follow these tips to ensure you'll maintain steady employment:
- Arrive early so you have plenty of time to determine how long it takes to exit the house through the chimney, should you accidentally lock yourself in the home.
- Before the parents leave, reassure them their baby will be fine by swallowing the emergency-contact info sheet, then opening your mouth so they can see you aren't hiding it behind your tonsils.
- Leave the baby alone. Since babies aren't smart, it's likely the baby will mistake you for one of its parents and expect you to constantly cradle it, unless it mistakes you for a deer, in which case it will expect you to constantly lick it.
- Enforce a strict bedtime. Without sleep, babies' brains never shut down, allowing them to constantly acquire new knowledge and grow in size. If a baby's brain grows too quickly, that baby will be more uncomfortable when the parents dress it in a child-size football helmet.
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